GOP Malcontents' Doomed, Clumsy Coup Against Boehner Will Totally Work This Time
How's John Boehner doing? Looks like pretty good -- still breathing, still Speaker of the House, still getting incoherently slammed in public by members of his own caucus. The Hill reports they're gonna do another coup! There are meetings! Like a dozen different, uncoordinated meetings:
In fact, [Rep. Walter] Jones acknowledged he didn’t even know who the members of the other groups were, though he said that was by design to avoid being targeted by the Speaker and his allies.
That doesn't sound necessary or true, but darned if it isn't adorable. So why are all these agitators so agitated?
“In tough times, it doesn’t mean you play timid, it means to play bold, and I don’t see that. And you know what? Time’s up,” Rep. Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.), who vowed to vote against Boehner, told The Hill in an interview.
That's a nice over-generalization, for sure, but as a reason to depose Boehner it makes about as much sense as having a bunch of small, unrelated groups working blindly toward a common goal, on purpose. And "time's up"? We're keeping time now? Come on, The Hill, what exactly are these guys after?
“There’s a group of members who’d like to see a change in the leadership, and we believe sincerely there needs to be a new direction for the House,” Jones said in an interview just off the House floor.
Oh, they want change and a new direction. HOW SPECIFIC.
Of course we understand that the anti-Boehners can't just come out and say "My whole image is being an ornery, Washington-hating cowboy asshole, and acting like I want to knock down my own speaker is how I water that garden." But this latest round of insurrectionist blather is pretty pathetic even by their standards.
And yeah, maybe some of these guys really do hate Boehner, and maybe some of them are dim enough not to realize that Boehner is actually a skilled politician who has played a middling hand quite well, objectively speaking. Rep. Steve King has a personal reason to vote against Boehner, The Hill reminds us: Boehner literally called him an asshole, remember that? That was fun.
But whatever the members' motives, they need a plan if they want Boehner gone. So what's the plan?
“You’ve got to have 20 to 25 committed people that are willing to cut their wrist,” Jones explained, “and if you’re not willing to cut your wrist, you’re not really committed.”
Then the pizza finally got delivered to their secret No Boehners Or Gross Girls Club meeting at Taco Bell, but they forgot Gohmert's bleach, and Tim Huelskamp locked himself in his car because he's scared of pizza, and the manager said what don't you understand about you can't eat pizzas in here.
Boehner won't know what hit him.
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