GOP Sen. John Kennedy Wants Some Sexy Time With His Handgun

GOP Sen. John Kennedy Wants Some Sexy Time With His Handgun

Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, the Oxford-educated Roscoe P. Coltrane cosplayer, has teamed up with the National Rifle Organization to embarrass himself. He didn't need any help, as he normally does just fine by himself. The gun-pushing group fired off a bizarre tweet Monday declaring that Kennedy's “new message would trigger the libs." The NRA has opposed child access prevention laws, which would help keep guns out of the hands of small children, so it makes sense that a small child presumably gained access to the NRA's Twitter account.

The 12-second ad, which feels like 12 minutes, features Kennedy cleaning a firearm while what someone at the NRA believes is “sexy" music plays. Kennedy declares:

Folks, I believe love is the answer, but you oughta own a handgun just in case.

Just in case of what, exactly? Handguns and other killing machines don't belong in any true message of love. Kennedy represents (poorly) a state with a horrific record on gun violence.

From the New York Times:

A higher share of murders has been committed via firearm in Louisiana compared with the national average every year since at least 1985, with a firearm being the weapon used in 84 percent of murders in Louisiana in 2019 (compared with 74 percent nationally). Louisiana also has the highest rate of firearms recovered and traced by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (A.T.F.), suggesting a high rate of illegal or stolen weapons in the state.

We should also note that the NRA is bankrupt and apparently can't afford proofreaders for the captions in its videos. The copy contains an obvious typo — “belive" instead of “believe." Any form of the word “live" wouldn't otherwise fit into an NRA ad.

Conservatives, including professional Twitter troll Ted Cruz, have complained about supposed “woke" ads for the CIA and US Army, but those ads didn't set out to “trigger" conservatives for yucks, like emotionally stunted bullies. Conservatives just couldn't cope with the mere existence of people who don't fit their restrictive definition of “normal," one that somehow includes Ted Cruz. But Kennedy isn't just stroking his gun to sex line music because he likes it. The NRA gleefully thinks this will cause us emotional distress.

The NRA released this nonsense on the same day the Republican-dominated legislature in Texas approved a Yosemite Sam measure that would allow people to carry a handgun without a license, a background check, or training. That's bonkers but Republicans, including Cruz, claimed it was a victory for “law-abiding Second Amendment-loving Texans." It's easy to obey gun laws when your state has none.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott said he'll sign the measure, despite the objections of law enforcement groups who claim it will endanger the public and police. But it's the broke-ass NRA calling the shots here, not the cops.

"A right requiring you to pay a tax or obtain a government permission slip is not a right at all," said Jason Ouimet, executive director of the NRA Institute for Legislative Action.

The Second Amendment directly refers to a well-regulated militia, you idiots. Meanwhile, Texas has gone all in on protecting citizens from mass voting incidents. The GOP's latest voter suppression bill would drastically reduce polling places in largely Democratic parts of major Texas counties such as Harris, Dallas, Tarrant, Bexar and Travis. Every congressional district currently held by a Republican would either see a gain in polling places or no change at all. Yes, this is overtly corrupt.

A country with easier access to guns than to the ballot box is not a functioning democracy, and that's something we should all find “triggering."

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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