GOP Sen. Steve Daines Knows Jesus Loves Sea Turtle Baby Eggs And Eagle Baby Eggs And Human Baby Eggs Too

National Politics
GOP Sen. Steve Daines Knows Jesus Loves Sea Turtle Baby Eggs And Eagle Baby Eggs And Human Baby Eggs Too

By now you might have heard that the Senate held its show vote to codify Roe v. Wade into law, which failed, and we knew it was going to fail, because there aren't 60 senators who agree that women and people with uteruses shouldn't have to run all their bodily decisions by the sexually frustrated underpants crossing guards who make up the partisan hack majority on the Supreme Court.

Joe Manchin joined all the Republicans to vote against the Women's Health Protection Act, because fuck Joe Manchin.

But we don't want this moment during the debates leading up to the vote this week to fall through the cracks of Wonkette history. GOP Senator Steve Daines of Montana got up there like a man with some science questions to ask, questions nobody's ever answered to his liking.

So he asked them. Men with less of the kind of self-confidence that comes from being a white man who was told he was smart as a child might not have asked them. But Steve Daines asked them.



“If you were to take or destroy the eggs of a sea turtle—now I said the eggs, not the hatchlings that’s also a penalty but the eggs—the criminal penalties are severe: up to a $100,000 fine and a year in prison. Now why? Why do we have laws in place that protect the eggs of a sea turtle or the eggs of eagles? Because, when you destroy an egg, you’re killing a preborn baby sea turtle or preborn baby eagle. Yet when it comes to a preborn human baby, rather than a sea turtle, that baby will be stripped of all protections in all 50 states, under the Democrats’ bill that we’ll be voting on tomorrow. Is that what the America the left wants?”

Well ...

Ahem.

Well it's not because people think sea turtle life or eagle life begins at fertilization. There aren't some kinda fucked up personhood laws for baby sea turtles. (Turtlehood laws? LOL.)

But it's ... it has to do with ...

They're endangered, you fucking troll.

Yeah, we know. Right-wing Christians are really facing a shortfall in the "domestic supply of infants" to traffic groom adopt. They probably think itty bitty babies created by Jesus are endangered.

Still though: fuck you. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's pregnancy. Ever.

Also, human women are not actually the same as sea turtles and eagles. (Fun fact!) Some elected officials in America (in the Democratic Party) even believe human women are equal citizens with agency over their own bodies! As Daines might have noticed, also, human women carry pregnancies inside their bodies as opposed to in eggs in nests.

And at least for now, human women have all these constitutional rights, the same ones men have. We know Republicans are working on doing something about that, but at least right now! And assaulting a person is against the law. Some places have enhanced penalties for assaulting a pregnant woman.

Let's be clear here. Daines is saying that human women should have less power than less protection than sea turtle eggs. That is what these histrionics about unborn babies amount to. That's what they think of women.

And Daines himself specifically believes abortion should be banned even when it's rape, even when it's incest. So yeah, he's the worst kind of garbage.

It's OK to laugh at this, though, because you probably can't see this stupid bumpkin tweeting out his fuckin' sea turtle poster without laughing, so yuk it up, by all means:

Goddamn. If these people didn't exist, the comedy writers would have to make them up.

[Vanity Fair]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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