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To say that Republicans have become unhinged over President Obama's Iran deal would be a generous understatement. But "moderate" (hahaha) Sen. Mark Kirk, Republican of Illinois, may (at least for the moment) be the most unhinged of all. Did you know that Obama reached this agreement so that we can give all the nukes to Iran so they can murder everyone in the Middle East? IT'S TRUE! At least it's true if you live in Mark Kirk's brain.


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Cry, Sen. Kirk:

“This agreement condemns the next generation to cleaning up a nuclear war in the Persian Gulf,” Kirk said. “It condemns our Israel allies to further conflict with Iran.”

Cry harder:

Kirk added that he thought the agreement will yield “more nukes, and more terrorists, and more irresponsibility by the Iranians,” saying he thought Iran will now increase their influence in Iraq and Yemen.

HARDER!

“This is the greatest appeasement since Chamberlain gave Czechoslovakia to Hitler,” Kirk continued, saying he believed Obama only went through with the deal because he has a poor understanding of history and did not realize appeasement made war more likely.

HARDEST!

Kirk concluded that “tens of thousands of people in the Middle East are gonna lose their lives because of this decision by Barack Hussein Obama.”

Yeah, really, why does Barack HUSSEIN Obama want to kill all the Middle East with Iranian nukes by giving Czechoslovakia to Hitler? And didn't Obama grow up over there anyway? He should know his history, because this is so much worse than that time Saint Ronald Reagan (PBUH) decided to arm both sides of the Iran-Iraq war in the 1980s!

And besides, Iran is SO VOLATILE. Israel hates war, like so much, but they are going to be FORCED to start one with Iran now, because ... what? Because Iran talks shit and doesn't actually do anything? Because Iran's busy fighting ISIS at the moment? Because Iran has such a long history of starting wars with Israel, except for how that's never happened? Because Benjamin Netanyahu is fucking crazy?

Kirk is also very upset that Democrats in Congress support Obama's deal, and probably won't let Republicans kill it dead. Is that bipartisanship? No, it is not. It's as if the Democrats aren't going to flip over and let the Republicans fuck Obama's foreign policy in the ass. How is that even American?

Oh well, only one way to fix this. Sen. Kirk needs to give Sen. Tom Cotton a call, so they can strategize about how to start another Twitter fight with the Iranian foreign minister. They'll lose that Twitter fight, too, but at least it'll make them feel like real men for a few minutes.

[Buzzfeed]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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