GOP Senator: Sure, Kids Deported To Honduras Might Die, But It's So Pretty There

Bet those kids can't wait to get back to the sun, sand, and occasional automatic weapons fire. Oh, and the rapes.

Remember how all those children were "invading" our southern border from Central America last year, and it was the greatest crisis America ever faced, until some guy in Texas had Ebola? Well it turns out that a lot of those children are still here, and they keep insisting they deserve political asylum just because they might be killed if they go home. Kids lie a lot, though, and besides, everyone knows they're only coming here to take our jobs.

Happily, deporting children back to drug gang-infested Central American countries is actually no big, according to Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Duh). You see, he recently visited Honduras, and even though it was, until this year, the murder capital of the world, it's also a very pretty country to visit, with lots of opportunities in the tourist business. That ought to make the children we deport feel very optimistic as they hide from the gangs that are trying to recruit or kill them or sell them into the sex trade.

[contextly_sidebar id="rmMAq7c6cWqnXzoLXna7T0vFeR7LYYgf"]Bleeding-heart liberals seem to think there's something wrong with sending children back to a country where deportee children have been murdered within weeks of arrival back in Honduras, but Sen. Johnson recently spent three whole days in Guatemala and Honduras and doesn't get what the big deal is. The Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs chairman and alleged human being explained that lefties are all wet when they say America's forced repatriations of children to Central America amounts to "sending them into a war zone." Piffle! It's not a war, more like a low-intensity conflict or something! Why is this man in the Senate at all?

In an interview with Wisconsin conservative talk show host Vicki McKenna Friday, Johnson dispelled the ridiculous notion that Central America is all that dangerous -- and she should know a thing or two about danger, given that McKenna's Madison-based show bills her as "the voice of reason in a city of chaos." We bet that, just like Scott Walker, she's tangled with dangerous radicals herself! Anyhoo, as he returned from the idyllic tropical wonderlands of El Salvador and Honduras to the mean streets of Madison, Johnson explained that he can't see why any child would object to being sent back to a Honduran slum:

We had security but, you know, Vicki, it's not a war zone ... It's obviously a poorer country than America but it's a beautiful country, it's a beautiful country. The people are beautiful.

Ah, yes. And we bet the children had beautiful smiles, too. Did they sing and dance for los Americanos too? Johnson had some big ideas for how to make things a lot better for the region, where narco gangs are out of control and official corruption is just as bad: tax cuts for the wealthy! Haha, we are kidding, but only a little. What would really fix Central America right up would be bringing in more Yanqui tourist dollars!

"You could establish along the zones of the coast of the Caribbean in Honduras gorgeous resorts zones," he said. "If we could help them do that, they could start rebuilding their economy."

[contextly_sidebar id="PN4K3AQCtya2PaRzBKwl7ZHslafuzT75"]And maybe if they lived long enough to make it to the booming resorts, some of those slum children could become prosperous hotel maids or pool boys! Problem solved! Besides, plenty of wingnuts already think that refugee kids have been staying in resorts since they got here.

Johnson insists the real problem with Central American migrants isn't that they had any genuine fear of violence, but rather, that the Obama administration made it too easy for people to get into the U.S. Still, he did acknowledge that all our drug addicts bear some responsibility for the chaos in the beautiful Central American nations:

"The root cause of the problems in Central America and Honduras and Guatemala and El Salvador is our insatiable demand for drugs," Johnson said. "Anybody that takes drugs -- cocaine, heroin -- and thinks it's a victimless crime, they are wrong."

He described visiting a refuge for victims of sex trafficking, a criminal enterprise largely operated by cartels, saying that many of them were only teenagers and the youngest was 11 years old. "I've seen the victims [of drug war violence]," Johnson said.

Now, a knee-jerk liberal might read that and think Johnson has at least some understanding that Central America isn't only really beautiful, but an actually dangerous place for people to live if they're outside the tourist zones with their private security. It doesn't appear, however, that the contradiction actually occurred to him. Beautiful country. Beautiful people. And the people deported back? Apart from the 83 deportees murdered in Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras since 2014, people are simply delighted to return home, a statement issued by Johnson's office following his trip announced:

Children in Honduras talked about their future in Honduras. And Guatemalans just repatriated from the U.S. erupted in applause when welcomed back to their home country.

And then they ran for cover, we're guessing, but Johnson and his security folks had probably moved on by then.

If you'd like to help make Sen. Johnson run for cover -- from votes! -- chip in a donation for former Sen. Russ Feingold, who is hoping to take Johnson's seat back in 2016.

Look, here's a linky for you to click and donate and everything! Let's do what we can to keep Ron Johnson safe and at home in Wisconsin, and elect someone who won't tell refugee children that if they get tired of trying to escape drug gangs, they can always enjoy their country's beautiful scenery.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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