GOP Senators Just Begging Trump Impeachment Lawyers PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T DO THE FRAUD THING!

Oh dear baby Jesus in heaven, Republican senators are whispering to the Politico, and they are whiiining. PLEASE, Donald Trump's impeachment lawyers, no not the ones who quit this weekend, the new idiots, PLEASE do not do the fraud thing! PLEASE do not come up into the Senate and argue that it's OK for Donald Trump to incite a fascist insurrection at the United States Capitol, because of how his delusional ass is still convinced Joe Biden didn't beat the everloving shit out of him with votes. PLEASE!

It's not that they won't still acquit him, even though his pig terrorist supporters invaded the Capitol literally looking for blood, literally looking to assassinate members of Congress and the Republican vice president. They don't care about that. It's just that they have already figured out a procedural bullshit objection they are DTF with, which is that it is UNLEGAL and UNCONSTITUTION to convict a president after he's already left office.

Reminder: Conviction after impeachment is whatever the hell 67 senators say it is. The Constitution doesn't specify beyond that. But Republicans aren't so good at that pocket Constitution they carry around next to their shrinking balls, and/or they're willing to lie about what it says, and 45 of them have already voted to say it is UNLEGAL and UNCONSTITUTION.

So, Trump lawyers, please do that argument! Because if they do the other argument, the fascist one, the senators will have to walk that plank for Trump, and once they get to the end, they will get their hair all wet.

Senator Kevin Cramer of North Dakota is saying PLEEEEEEASE:

"The point here is to avoid conviction. It's not a great moment for trying to score political points," said Sen. Kevin Cramer (R-N.D.), who has criticized the House's case for convicting Trump. "And I don't think litigating the election is a winning strategy. I think it's got lower percentage of success than a Hail Mary in the Super Bowl."

Senator Mike Braun of Indiana is saying PLEEEEEEEASE:

"I'd take the cue from what worked with the first vote in the Senate: it's unconstitutional," added Sen. Mike Braun (R-Ind.), who said the procedural arguments are the most potent defense and are already working, as Trump is on a glide path to an acquittal.

Lindsey Graham says PLEEEEEEASE:

"If they start trying to prove that Georgia and Pennsylvania and Wisconsin were stolen, that's when you're going to lose everybody."

Coach Tommy Tubby Dumbfuck The Assclown from Alabama says ... oh LOL, he says FUCK IT, DO THE FRAUD THING! WE'LL DO IT LIVE!

At least one Senate Republican, though, disagrees. Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.), who voted against certifying some Electoral College results on Jan. 6, said Trump's lawyers should "throw the barn door at them."

Told you Tubby's competing hard for that Senate's Dumbest Republican title.

One of Trump's new lawyers, Bruce Castor, has been swearing up and down they are not going to do the fraud thing. Politico reports that Castor said on the radio Wednesday that Trump hasn't been pushing him to do the fraud thing, and they will instead make "technical" arguments. (Which, again, are bullshit. Impeachment is whatever 67 senators say it is.)

Castor swears they won't do the fraud thing, Scouts' Trump lawyer's honor:

"There are plenty of questions about how the election was conducted throughout the country, but that's for a different forum, and I don't believe that's important to litigate in the Senate trial because you don't need it," Castor said. "President Trump has plenty to win with what he has."

Yeah LOL OK. If by "plenty to win," you mean enough GOP senators still are renting space inside Donald Trump's anal canal to give him a mulligan on ordering a domestic terrorist attack on the building where they work. If that is what Castor means, then fine.

But you notice how Castor said there are "plenty of questions" about the election, even though that's bullshit? Well, you might recall that in the Trump team's official response to the impeachment, it does say that Trump, in his squirrel brain, does not believe his fascist lie about winning an election he lost is a fascist Big Lie. (It is.) He denies that. (Don't give a fuck.) And it argues that he was expressing his opinion, which is that he totally won that election. (He did not.)

So the fraud thing definitely creeps in to the official filing. And if Trump has anything to say about it, SPOILER, they're going to do the fraud thing, at least to some degree.

Sorry, GOP senators. You just might have to walk that plank.

Or you could actually hold Trump accountable for ordering a domestic terrorist attack based on a fascist Big Lie, but you won't, you spineless, worthless fucks.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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