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Maybe she can testify for ELEVEN MORE HOURS.


Tuesday, we told you the bizarre, convoluted story of a thing that supposedly happened during the FBI's investigation into Hillary The Criminal's emails, where maybe Patrick Kennedy from the State Department offered a quid pro quo to an FBI dude in exchange for not retroactively classifying this one Hillary email about BENGHAZI!!!!!!!11!1! Or maybe the FBI dude offered a quid pro quo. Or maybe nobody did. Regardless, whatever happened, no quid pro quo actually happened, as the FBI dude did not get what he wanted (more agents in Iraq), and the State Department did not get what it wanted (to keep the FBI from retroactively classifying one of Hillz's emails as DO NOT READ EVER). Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton was probably 1,000 miles away, chugging the hot sauce she keeps in her bag while watching "The Good Wife" and updating her personal Clinton Body Count spreadsheet with smiley face emoticons for all the people who've been body counted since she last updated. Whatever.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/607692/how-is-hillary-clinton-murdering-america-with-her-emails-today"></a>[/wonkbar]Tuesday night, the Washington Post found the retired FBI dude in question, Brian McCauley, and he was like "Yeah, sorry, I did in fact suggest that," which means it was NOT the State Department trying to do special favors for Hillary. Doesn't mean she's not Satan Incarnate, but this time she actually wasn't herding the hounds of hell together to do her dirty work. (OR WAS SHE?)

Seriously, this thing from McCauley is so bad:

... McCauley acknowledged that he offered to do a favor in exchange for another favor, but before he had any inkling of what Kennedy wanted. The FBI and the State Department have denied that McCauley and Kennedy ever engaged in “quid pro quo.”

McCauley, who has since retired from the FBI, said he asked Kennedy to send him the email in question and then inquired with another bureau official about it because he had only a partial understanding of the request. McCauley said that when he learned the missive concerned the attack on the U.S. diplomatic facility in Benghazi, Libya, he told Kennedy he could not help him.

“I said, ‘Absolutely not, I can’t help you,’ and he took that, and it was fine,” said McCauley, who was the FBI’s deputy assistant director for international operations from 2012 to 2015.

Oh wait. That's not bad at all. And also, newsflash for all those out there reading WikiLeaks and thinking it makes them an expert on anything besides the lint in their navels, agencies of the U.S. government lobby each other for things, and they bicker, and they also sometimes help each other out. It's called HOW THE ENTIRE WORLD WORKS.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603829/comey-hearings-just-a-bunch-of-house-republicans-stepping-on-own-dicks-again"></a>[/wonkbar]So case closed, story over! Right? Of course not. Remember how the GOP investigated Benghazi, and then it investigated Benghazi again, and then again, and every time it didn't find THE SMOKING GUN to confirm its brainwashed beliefs about Hillary Clinton, it would go ahead and investigate Benghazi again? Yeah well, the RNC would like to maybe use this as a way to investigate Hillary's emails again, since the Republican who runs the FBI didn't find THE SMOKING GUN that confirmed its brainwashed beliefs about Hillary Clinton.

Here's a a portion of a stupid letter sent by the RNC to the State Department's Inspector General:

To learn that a senior State Department official may have attempted to make a backroom deal to cover up the extent to which our national security was put at risk by Secretary Clinton’s use of a secret email server is shocking and warrants an immediate review by your office. Further, I request that your office investigate whether Mr. Kennedy made any additional quid-pro-quo offers to other federal agencies in relation to Secretary Clinton’s emails.

Mr. Kennedy’s attempt to influence the release of records in a manner that benefits presidential candidate Hillary Clinton undermines government transparency. According to the FBI report, one unidentified individual told the FBI, “State has an agenda which involves minimizing the classified nature of the Clinton emails in order to protect state interests and those of Clinton.” I request that your office review Mr. Kennedy’s role in the release of Clinton-related records to determine the extent of Mr. Kennedy’s attempts to manipulate the FOIA review process.

"Blah blah blah," it says in essence, "We want to get moving on a fresh Hillary Clinton investigation, since we've already lost the 2016 election, so maybe we could go ahead and waste America's time with this! We also did not read the goddamned newspaper this morning, where the nice Washington Post explained that there's no there there, and that this is a complete non-story, because we are very stupid and cannot read without moving our mouths. Love, The Republicans."

The fact that this is one of the two major political parties in the United States is fucking offensive to the founding fathers, the bald eagle, baseball, apple pie, and the freshly birthed Christ child.

[Washington Post / RNC letter]

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