GOP Wizard Geniuses Know DC Can't Be State, You Can't Even Buy A Miata There!

There was a hearing in the House Oversight Committee Monday on whether the District of Columbia should be the 51st state. (It should.)

It went ... it went Republicans.

No, we don't mean they tried to overturn an election or took oppo research from Russian spies during the hearing or anything. It wasn't that kind of "it went Republicans."

It was this kind. Rep. Glenn Grothman of Wisconsin, why can't DC be a state?

GROTHMAN: Um, I have a good friend, and he talks about what it takes to build a good economy.

Oh God. Yes, your friend?

GROTHMAN: And he says we have to manufacture it, we have to grow it, or we have to mine it.

And Glenn Grothman just doesn't see much manufacturing, growing, or mining going on in DC.

GROTHMAN: Of course, you can milk it too.

Give Glenn Grothman something to milk in DC and he'll show you a STATE.

Skipping forward:

GROTHMAN: Talk a little bit about the agriculture in Washington DC, and talk about the mining or drilling in Washington DC. All three of which have to be VERY TINY compared to that which we get in a normal state!

Glenn Grothman does not understand these big city so-called "industries" with their technology buttons, how do you even milk a technology button?

In response, DC Mayor Muriel Bowser admitted DC doesn't have any mines and then she started crying because she knew how hard Grothman had just owned the libs. (Only the first part of that sentence is in any way accurate.)

Anyway, Grothman is correct, DC doesn't have any mines, it doesn't have any milking, NO MILKING, NO MINES, NO STATE, that is the rules, Glenn Grothman does not make them, he just milks them.

But then there was Georgia GOP Rep. Jody Hice. Oh dear God, Jody Hice. Yes, the guy who wants to primary Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, in order to give white racist Georgians a secretary of state who'll be willing to steal an election for a white racist Republican.

Jody Hice knows the rules about what is "state":

HICE: DC would be the only state, the only state, without an airport, without a car dealership, without a capital city, without a landfill, without even a name on its own, and we can go on and on and on.

As the Founders wrote in the Constitution, you must have at least one Carmax, no not that Carvana vending machine shit, that's more of those TECHNOLOGY BUTTONS Glenn Grothman does not know how to milk, it must be a real car dealership, or it is not a state.

(DC has car dealerships. You can get a Tesla there, and also some other things!)

And as the Founders wrote, if there is not a car dealership or an airport (DC has two bigguns, they are conveniently located in adjacent states); if there is not a landfill (what the FUCK does Jody Hice do when he visits new states, bury bodies? Christ!), then NO STATE.

Jody Hice does not make the rules. God does.

This is what happened in the United States Congress yesterday.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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