Goya Bean Spokesmodel Ivanka Trump Pondering A Career In Politics

Trump

What's Ivanka Trump's next move after her father is forcibly removed from the White House next month? The Washington Post explores the topic today while Donald Trump actively undermines democracy and ponders imposing martial law. Ivanka's future is obviously the more pressing news.

Jacqueline Alemany, who should feel ashamed, writes:

Ivanka Trump has always been a business executive with a keen eye for marketing — whether that be real estate, moderately priced shoes or handbags.

Sure, that tracks. It takes true talent to recognize that your father is famous and you share the same last name, so why not slap that name on some tacky crap and sell it to undiscerning suckers? You can't teach this at the schools poor people attend.

After she leaves the White House with her father, those who know the family say she could soon embark on a new venture: selling herself to American voters.

She'd have to sell herself because she has no consistent views or sincerely held beliefs beyond her own ambition. No wonder Daddy loves her best.


But over her four years serving as a senior White House adviser, [Ivanka Trump] has completed a stunning transformation from a publicly liberal New Yorker who some hoped would serve as a restraining influence on her father to an "unapologetically" "pro-life" advocate of the Make America Great Again agenda — a "proud Trump Republican," as she told Fox News earlier this year.

Ivanka Trump is a social-climbing phony and opportunistic parasite. This has always been the case. There was no Kafkaesque metamorphosis into some grotesque creature. All that's changed is her environment.

Alemany interviewed some obviously planted, friendly sources, but she also spoke with Marissa Velez Kraxberger, a former creative director at Ivanka's “fashion" company that shut down in 2018 because her name was now toxic. Kraxberger voted for Joe Biden, like most sensible people, and she thinks Ivanka Trump sucks.

Dig this:

KRAXBERGER: I am happy to shed light on [Ivanka and Jared Kushner] to keep them as far away from our political realm as possible.

Kraxberger worked with Ivanka Trump for two years. Well, Kraxberger was working. Trump was present in the same facilities.

KRAXBERGER: I don't think she's actually ever had any interest in fashion, but everything was an angle to gain more power in whatever possible way.

Yes, as the saying goes: Today ugly-ass shoes made in sweatshops; tomorrow the WORLD!

KRAXBERGER: I think she'd want to be the [first] female president.

Giphy

If the Princess of Grift is considering a return to the White House on her own qualifications (what a novel idea!), this might explain why Trump has discussed with advisors possible pardons for his adult children except Tiffany, who he'll probably turn over to Satan in exchange for protection from New York Attorney General Tish James.

There's no better stocking stuffer than a cozy blanket Christmas pardon from Daddy, granting you immunity from federal prosecution for God only knows what went on in that Hell House. It's the perfect launching pad for a political career. However, it might distress Ivanka to learn that Republicans prefer her eldest brother, the Duke of Douchebag.

Someone added Ivanka's name to a list of candidates in a hypothetical Republican primary matchup for 2024 that excludes Donald Trump. Donald Trump Jr. and Mike Pence both have 20 percent of the vote. Ivanka managed just four percent, just below Mitt Romney, Nikki Haley, and Ted Cruz.

Womp. Womp.

Trump Jr. is the perfect heir to MAGA. He personifies MAGA. He's an emotionally stunted, entitled man child, a bully who dishes it out but can't take it. His every word and deed are a desperate cry for help and attention from the father who never loved him.

He genuinely resents the “cultural elite" that he believes judges him. Ivanka, however, wants in that exclusive club. She doesn't want to tear down the opera crowd and pretend to enjoy Big Macs. She wants to join the table at French Laundry with the cool kids.

And it'll never happen.

There was a time when Ivanka Trump could've thrived as the “reasonable" Republican friend of rich, white New York liberals. These unicorn conservatives are now Never Trumpers and thus Never Ivanka. She's stuck in the mud with MAGA. I can think of no better fate.

[Washington Post]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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