Grand Jury Investigating How Trump Came To Steal All Those Classified Documents
Big mazel tov to the stable genius on netting himself a brand spanking new grand jury investigation into his improper handling of classified documents. We always knew you had it in ya, big guy!
In February, the National Archives retrieved 15 boxes of documents and mementos Trump had improperly made off with after voters yeeted him into the Sunshine State. Among the purloined items was a "love letter" from North Korea's Kim Jong Un and a section of Trump's Fuck You Mexico Wall. But it turned out the boxes contained more than Trump's My Favorite Dictators scrapbook and souvenirs of his greatest boondoggles. In fact there were both classified and top secret items in there, too, and so the Republicans immediately called for Trump to be sent to email jail for all eternity.
Haha, we are very silly on Fridays. Republicans shrugged it off and went back to shrieking about whatever daily outrage they were feeding to the rubes back in February. Was it Mr. Potato Head's vagina? Dr. Seuss doing racisms to the First Amendment? Oh, right, they were busy unpersoning Liz Cheney. Fun times!
Congressional Democrats were not about to let the matter go, however, and in response to a query from House Oversight Committee Chair Carolyn Maloney, National Archivist David Ferriero sent a letter confirming that "NARA has identified items marked as classified national security information within the boxes."
"Because NARA identified classified information in the boxes, NARA staff has been in communication with the Department of Justice," he continued.
Naturally Trump showed his usual discretion, yammering that "The National Archives did not 'find' anything, they were given, upon request, Presidential Records in an ordinary and routine process to ensure the preservation of my legacy and in accordance with the Presidential Records Act," he blarped, as if it was "ordinary and routine" for government officials to just take classified stuff with them when they get you're fired.
Then he threatened the media for airing his dirty laundry: "Instead of focusing on America, the media just wants to talk about their plan to 'get' Trump. The people won’t stand for it any longer!"
Which brings us to yesterday when it emerged that there's a grand jury in DC investigating how those classified documents made their way to the former president's trash palace, and if any crimes were committed. The New York Times was first with the scoop, because, say what you will about Maggie Haberman — and God knows we at Wonkette have — but she and Mike Schmidt get results. The story was immediately confirmed by the Washington Post, which provided important context as always, and CNN, which ... well, someone has to come in third place, right?
Apparently prosecutors subpoenaed the National Archives for the retrieved documents and have requested interviews of White House staff in an attempt to figure out who packed the boxes in the White House's residential quarters, and how their contents were selected.
This week the Post published an interview with Ferriero, who retired as National Archivist on April 30:
Regarding the material Trump took to Florida, Ferriero said he was told by the White House Office of Records Management about a group of boxes in the White House residence that should go to the Archives.
“As we were moving materials from the White House just before the inauguration, those boxes hadn’t shown up yet,” he said.
“I can remember watching the Trumps leaving the White House and getting off in the helicopter that day, and someone carrying a white banker box, and saying to myself, ‘What the hell’s in that box?’” he said.
And that was the genesis of the investigation. If you see something, say something!
“It’s important to me, that this administration replace me,” Ferriero told the Post of his decision to leave now. “I’m concerned about what’s going to happen in 2024. I don’t want it left to … the unknowns of the presidential election.”
BREAKING: Your Wonkette to retire in 2024 so Joe Biden can replace us! This decision is far too risky to be left to the whims of some guy in a diner in Pennsylvania!
Just kidding, we'll be here. And we're delighted to see that Merrick Garland can investigate the previous administration when he puts his mind to it. Now about those one million other crimes we wrote about for four straight years ...
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.