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Great American Shooting Fad Continues: Take Two, Doggie Style

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Hello Wonkette Trend Watchers! What have we in the world of trigger-happy madness today? It looks like America's mania for shooting folks is showing no signs of abating. And people are so eager to hop on board this trend that the level of provocation considered acceptable grounds for gun-play is reaching new lows.


They're all in love with dying and they're doing it in Texas. Yes, Dallas, Texas -- where a 75-year-old man repeatedly shot two people who lived, and then died, in the apartment above him, because their dog's pee-pee and poops repeatedly landed on his porch.

Tension finally boiled over on Monday when [Chung] Kim was on his patio and shot 31-year-old [Michelle] Jackson multiple times as she stood on the patio above him, police said. He then reportedly went upstairs and shot [Jamie] Stafford, who was also 31, as he was trying to escape. After Stafford fell from the second floor, Kim is accused of going back downstairs and shooting him again.

Now don't get us started on neighbors, and how awfully inconvenient those can be -- particularly ours, with the drunken screaming and makeup fucking every single fucking night -- but perhaps a bit of, shall we say, perspective is needed? We also do not think people should leave dogs poops on other people's porches! But actually shooting your neighbors should always be a last resort, lest one find oneself with cellmates instead? And God knows what they may do from the bunk above, hmmm?

And we know, we know, this is Texas, where un-electing a president with second amendment remedies dates back all the way to 1963, but come on, lets take it down a notch there, partner. Killing a man and woman and leaving five kids with no parents is just wretched, and can we say we are also sad that the biggest surprise to us was that Mr. Kim did not also shoot the dog?

We imagine, also too, that Mr. Kim was a law-abiding citizen until he wasn't.

[Raw Story]

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While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

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Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

(Spoiler alert ....)

Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

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