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Great Sighing Warmonger Joe Lieberman To Retire

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Sources in Connecticut (people who "read the entrails" by smashing a jelly Dunkin' Donut in the rocky soil?) are saying that Joe Lieberman isgoing to announce his retirement tomorrow, seeing as nobody wants to elect that moaning sack of hollow secondhand gypsy mettle anymore. Wow, what a brilliant career! There was that time he hacked up phlegm all over the accomplishments of the Clinton administration in the 2000 presidential election. And then there was the time his hair foamed as he struggled to eke out re-election in 2006. And then there was the time he triple-kissed John McCain and Lindsey Graham daily in the 2008 presidential contest, swapping gross, dusty, fishy saliva with those two other annoying awful senators. That is a whole lot of disgusting old-man face fluid.


According to the Huffington Post:

UPDATE: A well-sourced Connecticut blogger is reporting that Lieberman will announce his departure.

And Politico has some "sources" too. Good enough for us! Those two are never wrong. But even if this is true, it will take years to pry Lieberman from his desk on the Senate floor, because he excretes a glue-like mucus resistant to even the strongest of acids. [HuffPo]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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