Griftin' Duggars, Teabaggin' A-Holes And Ted Cruz. Your Weekly Top Ten

Oh look, it is your Wonkette Baby, keeping snuggly warm on the beach!

Hey Wonkerinos, it's Sunday where we live! Is it Sunday were you live, or do you live in space or something? Don't care, if you are reading this, it's Sunday, which means it's time for us to sexxxily count down the week's top stories. They are the best stories in the universe, at least this week!

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Okay, here are the top ten stories of the week, chosen as usual by science. Share them from sea to shining sea, and also on the other side of the seas, if you have friends who are foreigns!

1. If you haven't met him yet, you will need to be learning about the cockfightin', teabaggin' asshole Kentucky elected governor this week, Matt Bevin. Remember that name, as there will likely be many "what a dumbass" stories to tell about him.

2. Ted Cruz doesn't seem to care if he "accidentally" blows somebody's head off, because, regardless of what gun he's carrying, he doesn't seem to follow the rules of gun safety, which are the same, NO MATTER WHAT.

3. Yr Wonket CALLED IT! Dumb Duggar kids basically admit that oh yeah, their "mission trip" is more like a sexxxy beach vacation for Jesus. Uh huh.

4. Speaker Paul Ryan pretty damn sure he's the only American who deserves weekends. He is A Asshole.

5. Oh look, Duggars again. Who will be the next Duggars to fall out of the tree of sidehugs and start boning their "courtship" partners like a common Bristol Palin? WHO CAN SAY?

6. We sure do like President Don't Give A Fuck. Watch your president Barry Bamz Obama mock those dumb-dumb Republicans, right to their face.

7. Surprise, Dr. Ben Carson's latest pyramid scheme involves actual pyramids! Not the kind you bury bodies in, no way. The kind where Bible guys like Joseph STORE GRAIN.

8. Idiot Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore will represent boobs, guns, and more boobs and guns, in Congress!

9. Yr Wonket beated up A Idiot today and it was great, also, too. WONKET MANIFESTO!

10. Can we see Ben Carson's birth certificate, just to prove he was really born? It's a valid question, he could be lying about that too.

So there you go, Wonkers. Those are your winning stories. They are the best stories ever written, at least this week!

Remember, we are also at your service on the Facebooks, the Twitters, and the Tumblrs! And the Flipboard! And the Instagram! Wonkette is all the places, and all the places are Wonkette.

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Okay, we're going to eat all the Mexican food that ever existed and will see you tomorrow.



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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