Gross Duggars Bribe Anna With Big New House If She'll Stay With Cheatin' Husband Josh
RUN AWAY!
Oh blessed be, it's the end of the week and we almost forgot to check in with America's Christianest Christians, the Duggar family of Northwest Arkansas, zip code 69696969696969. What gross bidness are they doing, to and amongst each other this time? Here goes.
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According to OK! Magazine and InTouch Weekly and The Inquisitr and probably a bunch of other tabloids too -- hey, don't knock 'em, they broke Josh Duggar's Fingerbanger Danger scandal first -- old Jim Bob Duggar used some of that sweet reality TV show cash to buy a $345,000 house just around the corner from the homestead, which he's now dangling in front of Anna, in hopes she'll take the bribe and stay married to Josh, who is currently serving a stint in the "Thy Rod And Thy Staff, They Comfort Me (That's What She Said)" halfway house for Christian sex sinners.
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You'll remember how, on top of his adolescent fiddly-diddly, Josh did The Bad Penis to porn star(s) he rented on the intertubes, because he is a repressed fundamentalist Christian culture warrior, and they tend to be gross in the sex way.
According to property records, Jim Bob and Michelle closed on the 3800 square foot house in late September. And according to those same property records, the house is actually worth closer to $453,000, so WAY TO BUY UNDER MARKET, DUGGARS! This may be the first time yr Wonkette has ever supported one of your decisions!
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After Ma and Pa bought the house (and promptly went to their own sex marriage retreat, to do Good Christian Fingers to EACH OTHER), Jill Duggar and her husband Meth-Sex Duggar-Dillard reportedly crashed there when they were taking a mini-vacay from their quote unquote "missionary work" in El Salvador. You remember, the "missionary work" they're currently returning their followers' donations for, since they've probably just been lying on the beach sidehugging each other's Down Theres with their mouths while they get tans, and not winning one single soli-damn-tary soul for Jesus in the process.
And is Anna living in the new house now? The Inquisitr says no, probably not, because Duggar girls aren't allowed to live by themselves while their husbands are away at diddle camp learning How To Bone Like Jesus, instead of being a kinky adulterer.
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Anna, Yr Wonkette is going to keep writing you these love notes. GET AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE OH MY GOD. Divorce him. Go to Planned Parenthood and get them to check your hoo-ha for Duggar Demons. You do not need a 3800 square foot house owned by your in-laws, it's NOT WORTH IT.
Take care of your children. Take care of you. RUN AWAAAAAAAAAY!
Love,
Wonket
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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