A Tennessee state senator decided that right on the Senate floor was the best place to describe medical procedures on his own genitals. Before you think he's super gross, just know that he did it so he could talk down to some lady person, so it's cool.

You remember State Senator Gardenhire of the great state of Tennessee, right? Of course you do. He was the super nice guy who called sidewalk chalkers literal Nazis and then called a constituent an asshole right to his face. Moran, you're supposed to wait until you're back at your office to show contempt for your voters. See, Gardenhire has some dumb ideas about healthcare -- namely that poor people should never get it, ever -- and this commitment to the "fuck you I got mine" wing of his party has made him none-too-popular with his constituents, hence all the super Nazi chalk assault. Gardenhire is such an expert on all things health that it might surprise you to know he also has some dumb ideas about abortion. No, it's true! And those dumb ideas involve mansplaining to a woman how he scheduled his own vasectomy. Uh, thanks?

In the course of discussing Tennessee's newest abortion bill, State Senator Sara Kyle brought up the point that the newly introduced 48-hour waiting period for an abortion was rather strange considering that there wasn't a similar law for men seeking vasectomies.

"What I don't understand is the discrimination," Kyle said, according to the digital recording of the meeting. "You're putting all this burden on the woman. Why don't we put these same standards on the man who wants the vasectomy?"

"So," Kyle told an attorney for Tennessee Right to Life, "I'm just asking that what's good for the goose could be good for the gander."

Careful now. You're asking the pro-lifers to see women as people, and they're just not ready for that yet. They barely even see women as geese yet.

Senator Gardenhire, presumably having fallen asleep during Kyle's speech and only waking up upon hearing his safe word "vasectomy," decided that he needed to correct her blatant misinformation about dudes getting their tubes snipped by sharing the minutia of how he scheduled both of his own vasectomies.

"I wanted to kind of walk Sen. Kyle through what a vasectomy is and what you have to go through to have one, having personal experience in that field," Gardenhire said.

Stop.

"I also had one reversed. I want to promise you that when you start talking to a doctor about them whacking on you down there you want to wait a while and think about it."

No, stop. Stop right now, gross old man.

"They call you in the office," Gardenhire continued. "They meet with your spouse. They tell you the consequences. They tell you how it's almost impossible to have it reversed and that you better go home and you better think about that -- and then you come back and then they schedule a procedure and [at] a medically qualified office and it takes anywhere from four to six weeks to schedule."

Getting it reversed is even more difficult "time-wise and everything else," the senator said.

Ew ew ew. Now you have to think about Todd "Ramrod" Gardenhire's genitals, ewww. Why must these demons torment our minds?!

"I want to tell you that men go through a lot more stringent process to have a vasectomy [than], I would assume, on abortion," Gardenhire said.

Thank goodness he brought it all back home. Men are the real victims in this fight, because their struggle to get their tubes snipped is so much worse than women being forced to carry a pulsing alien being in their body for nine months. Just because some political whackadoodles decided to insert themselves into her womb doesn't mean they don't care. If anything, the new rule just shows ladies that the state of Tennessee does care enough about them to make them jump through more hoops.  Where's the state-mandated waiting period for Todd Gardenhire, we ask you? Does his junk not matter?

Also too, the local press chimed in to let us know that even the Senate electronics didn't want to hear Gardenhire's story:

The Tennessee General Assembly's website, which contains both live stream and digitally taped recordings of meetings was plagued for hours with problems on Wednesday.

Even the Senate's cameras didn't want to record Gardenhire's grossness, so they decided to snip their own internet tubes rather than lead to another abortion on the senate floor.

[Chattanooga Times Free Press]