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Grumpy Old John McCain Doesn't Need Young Whippersnappers Calling Him Grumpy and Old

Elections

GRRRR I'm old! GRRRRRR


In the future, political science students and freshman politicos would do well to study John McCain's career not because of his mavericky decisions or legislative successes, but for his ability to weather a relentless series of complete shitstorms.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/599327/meet-the-lady-who-just-might-kick-grumpypants-john-mccain-out-of-the-senate"></a>[/wonkbar]McCain's been locked in a heated battle with Kelli Ward, a Trumpkin who's being backed by the same shadowy tax-cheat who's been throwing oodles of money at Donald Trump. Ward, an osteopathologist (which is a term yr Wonkette intern had to Google), has been matching John McCain's lens-flair filled teevee ads with her own flashy teevee ads that paint McCain as a gun-stealing Mexican-lover. Of course, both are reminding voters that the other once worked with a Democrat, thus making them both dirty liberals according to the transitive property of political association.

Arizona's primary is on August 30, and early voting has already started. So with McCain opening up a massive lead in the most recent polls, Ward has gotten "creative". Instead of hitting the trail with her truckload of Trump cash, she's been on cable teevee calling John McCain a sour old man who can't be trusted because he's old, and will probably die in office because he's so damn old!

"John McCain is falling down on the job. He has gotten weak. He has gotten old. I do want to wish him a happy birthday. He's going to be 80 on Monday, and I want to give him the best birthday present ever -- the gift of retirement ... I'm a physician. I see the physiological changes that happen in normal aging, in patients again and again and again over the last 20, 25 years. So I do know what happens to the body and the mind at the end of life."

Wow, we're surprised she didn't make recommendations for hospice care for McCain right there on the TV!

Ward's the kind of crazy person who entertains conspiracy theorists and their moronic bullshit. She's appeared on Alex Jones's rootin-tootin radio show, and she held a forum on chemtrails, earning her the nickname ChemTrail Kelli. She also completely ripped off a 2008 Mitt Romney ad attacking John McCain, which got her a lovely cease and desist letter from Mittens himself.

McCain might be dominating in the polls, but a PAC backing him was burned after it took a pretty shitty campaign video of Ward singing an Eagles song on a street corner and edited it every so slightly, then called it, #StreetCornerKelli Sings Her Heart Out. This earned McCain the scorn of Democratic challenger Anne Kirkpatrick and women's groups like Emily's List. Damn it, grandpa!

With Arizona's Republicans choosing between a grumpy old man and an unimaginative crazy lady, it's no wonder Democrats have a shot at pulling Senate seats in the fall.

[ Politico / AZ Central / WaPo ]

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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