Hackers To Crush Sony Pictures Unless Sony Wants To Be Pen Pals
The shadowy hacker group that has been sowing chaos, panic, and dissension in the ranks of Sony Pictures Entertainment by releasing thousands of private emails also has a condescendingly benevolent side.
The group, calling themselves Guardians of Peace (yes, in a particularly delicious coincidence, the organization insisting on reading private emails for the Common Good, trying to bankrupt a Hollywood powerhouse, and apparently trying to censor a movie they think is in poor taste calls itself the "GOP") has extended a generous offer: If you're a Sony employee and don't want the deepest, darkest, dampest secrets of your inbox to be revealed to the world, all you have to do is write them a polite note. The original post on Pastebin has been taken down, but Mashable has a summary of the message, written in stilted English:
"We have a plan to release emails and privacy of the Sony Pictures employees," the message reads. "If you don't want your privacy to be released, tell us your name and business title to take off your data."
While Sony has been mounting an all-out effort to keep the emails out of the news -- deploying threatening lawyers as well as Aaron Sorkin as Jeff Daniels as The Newsroom's Will McAvoy in high dudgeon mode -- apparently they've been going about this thing the wrong way entirely. If Sony doesn't want their dirty laundry displayed before the general public and subjected to mockery and derision, they need to take a cue from dear old moms everywhere and write a polite note.
And there have been soiled knickers aplenty. There's the news that Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence made less money than her costars in American Hustle, even though she was by far the biggest star in the movie. There's Sony Pictures co-chair Amy Pascal and producer Scott Rudin shredding Angelina Jolie, calling her a "minimally talented spoiled brat"; Rudin and Pascal making inane racist jokes about President Obama's movie preferences; and executive Clint Culpepper calling Kevin Hart a money-grubbing "whore." There's also Channing Tatum being as beautifully, ecstatically unhinged as you'd expect him to be. And the GOP insists that they aren't finished yet, promising Sony an unholy Christmas gift -- more leaks:
"We are preparing for you a Christmas gift," the latest message reads. "The gift will be larger quantities of data. And it will be more interesting. The gift will surely give you much more pleasure and put Sony Pictures into the worst state."
If Sony employees want to be left out of the carnage, it seems they need to get to typin'. They don't even have to send the email. Just leave it in drafts. They'll find it.