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Happiest Nations Have Social Services, Healthy Environment, Good Schools & Health Care (U.S. Not On List)

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The happiest nations in the world are almost nothing like the United States,according to the business website 24/7 Wall Street. Does the average person have financial security, government-backed health care, quality education, a healthy natural environment and a sane work-life balance? Those are the world's happy people, and you'll find them in economically stable social-welfare states such as Canada, Finland, Australia, Switzerland and Denmark. "The happiest people in the developed world get loads of social services without having to work too hard," says 24/7 Wall Street, which is named for the opposite of having a sane work-life balance. "Nations with long-term economic strength can also afford to support employment, education, and make health care widely available. The happiest countries seem to be places where there is a good balance of work and leisure time." The United States, obviously, does not make an appearance on this list of Wealthy, Happy Countries.


Why can't America have any happiness? Because the U.S. Declaration of Independence only allowed for the ineffectual pursuit of happiness, not the actual life quality of happiness. The richest 1% of Americans pursue happiness by taking everything from everybody else, while the average American pursues happiness by hating people in the same dire financial straits but with some superficial difference in skin color or religious background.

We can't think of a joke to end this. Truck Nutz? [24/7 Wall Street]

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While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

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Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

(Spoiler alert ....)

Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

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