Happy 55th Birthday, President Obama! Check Out These Badass Senior Discounts We Found You!
Remember when Obama shot a rainbow out of his hand and made Jamaica gay? THAT WAS AWESOME.
YOU GUYS, your scrumptious president of America, Barack Mom Jeans McSexytown, is having a birthday today, and he is 55 years YOUNG! His wife, who is the first lady named Michelle, posted this on Instagram in honor of the occasion:
Her caption: "55 years young and that smile still gets me every single day. Happy birthday, Barack. I love you. -mo"
US TOO, Michelle, US TOO.
So, 55 ain't no big thing, and obviously our preznit is as sexy as ever, but we figured we'd Google the internet to see what kind of fun senior discounts Bamz qualifies for now, because that's what you do for people you love. And we DO love the president.
For one thing, if Obama doesn't actually want to live in that palatial Kalorama house in DC after he leaves office, he can live in one of them fancy 55+ senior communities. Wouldn't that be fun? He could play shuffleboard and do scratch-off lottery tickets and watch Fox News and learn about what a terrible president that damned Obama was!
Also, according to the Boomer Places website, for baby boomers, lots of stores will roll out the red carpet for the 55 and over crowd:
Many major grocery stores and outlets have scheduled senior discount days. For example, Albertsons offers 10% off for seniors every first Wednesday of the month, Kohls offers seniors 55+ a 15% discount every Wednesday, and Ross stores offer 10% senior discounts each Tuesday.
That is some hot shit right there. Who wants to have a big extravaganza of a Saturday afternoon, dressing for less at the Ross Dress For Less, snatching up the bargains at Kohl's, and purchasing the ingredients for a healthy supper at Albertsons? OBAMA DOES.
The Boomer Places website says Bamz should also look into senior brunches and dining discount cards, which sound just lovely. Also too? Free drinks at Arby's, KFC and Whataburger, coffee discounts at Mickey D's, 20% off at Jack In The Box, and 25% off at Papa John's. PIZZA PARTY WITH THE PRESIDENT, SIGN US UP RIGHT NOW. (Do not sign us up for that right now, Papa John is a DICK.)
Is the president in the mood for some Cirque du Soleil? Of course, he is always in that mood, and there's a discount for that, too! Oh, and he can get one of those fun Jitterbug phones, in case buttons is hard. We're sure Donald Trump can use his tiny fingers to show Barry how to operate it!
Once he has learned his new phone, he can dial some numbers on it to make a reservation for THIS:
Waldorf Astoria NYC: $5,000 off nightly rate for Presidential Suite
PRESIDENTIAL suite, you say? What a coincidence, we are talking about the PRESIDENT, who LOVES (we assume!) a $5,000 discount!
So, those are some really great deals for older folks! But, SAD NEWS, Barry will have to wait until he is 60-many years old to get a senior discount at Ken Ham's Creation Museum in Kentucky. We know he has been dying to go there, but he'll have to pay up like a young person when he does. Why does the Creation Museum hate Obama on his birthday? (Obvious reasons.)
Anyway, as we said, at 55, Obama is still a very young, sexy man. But he would be a dumbocrap to pass up all this free money, don't you think?
In honor of his birthday, and to make up for all our playful ribbing about senior discounts, here are 55 of our favorite sexxxy pictures of the president, or maybe 23 or 15, we'll probably get bored long before we upload 55 pictures.
Motherfucker so hot, we can't even. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARRY, WONKET LOVES YOU.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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