screengrab from Mary Trump's interview with Colbert, which is not her big gay interview

Here's a fun one for your Friday, after another week spent in hell!

Mary Trump, AKA the only good Trump, who wrote the summer's hottest social distance beach reading book about her gross shitshow crime boss uncle and the rest of her gross shitshow crime family, did an interview with The Advocate, which is the official magazine of the gays. (Didn't know we LGBTQs had an official magazine? We don't, we just said a lie.)

We hate to be excited about this, but as we are personally a card-carrying member of the LGBTQs, we were delighted to find out Mary Trump is a lesbian. We knew we liked her for a reason, besides the whole thing about how she's completely willing to help tell all her gross crime family's secrets, including the kind that might land a couple of 'em in prison one day.

The interview is interesting for a number of reasons, but we really enjoyed the parts where she talked about her own "coming out" — there wasn't much of one — and how icky her family is about LGBTQ people in general.


MARY TRUMP: Even though homophobia wasn't really explicit in my family, growing up, no one talked about homosexuality one way or another. My family was so anti-everything, anything that was different from them. So, I just assumed they were antigay, and that was something they would not tolerate.

So she didn't tell them. She says she moved in with somebody in her 30s, and still didn't tell them, because her grandmother was a homophobe.

Speaking of Grandma The Homophobe, we are talking about this lady:

Uh huh.

From the interview:

ADVOCATE: In your book, you write that your grandmother said, "It was a disgrace they're letting that little faggot Elton John sing at [Princess Diana's] service," and that kept you from coming out. How did that comment make you feel?

MARY TRUMP: It made me feel awful, mainly because I loved Elton John. I thought it was disgraceful given the context. The man lost someone he deeply loved in a tragic way, and he thought it was best to honor Diana by singing a tribute to her publicly.

The comment by my grandmother was so mean and small. It was not a good moment. As usual, I just ignored it and went on my way, but I knew then that I couldn't tell anyone I was gay.

Such a delightful family, sounds like.

Mary Trump talks about how the entire Trump family is misogynistic, and how a lot of Uncle Donald's propensity for bullshit happy talk comes from a sort of "toxic positivity" exemplified by Grandpa Fred, where anything that veered from putting on a show that everything is wonderful and successful was Not Allowed.

MARY TRUMP: And that's why Donald thinks everything is great all the time because admitting to any kind of pain or failure is a weakness punishable by death.

Sad. The president of the United States is the most unbelievably broken human being. Oh well, maybe he should resign and go find a therapist, because we don't give a flying fuck about his personal problems, except for how they are destroying this country.

Here's what Mary Trump thinks her Uncle Donald actually thinks about the gays and the BLTs:

TRUMP: I think gay people make him [Trump] uncomfortable with male homosexuality. [He likes] guys with no self-awareness. And trans people make him uncomfortable because he's uncomfortable with anyone that's different. And that includes differently abled, different color of skin, and different beliefs.

That really makes a hell of a lot of psychological sense. He would be uncomfortable with gay men, because he's so obsessed with promoting this idea of himself as a big tough macho dude, when in reality all you have to do is look at his Twitter feed to see that he's really just a crying, scared, chickenshit overgrown baby.

Is that better than Mike Pence, who Trump once "joked" wanted to "hang them all"? Meh. Really, it's just more, again, about how broken Trump is. Pence is broken (and evil) in a different way.

This is what Mary Trump thinks we need to do until the election, and it is PILE THE FUCK ON:

TRUMP: The more stress he's under, the more he feels the walls are closing in, which is going to happen. It's unavoidable if we want the November election to go our way. He needs to be piled on. He will never get better and may get worse.

Glad to be of service!

Go read the whole interview, it is nice, the end.

[The Advocate]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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