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Happy Fun Gingrich Offers To Be Human Sacrifice On Donald Trump's Dumb Teevee Show

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Here is a fun marketing fact: Yr. Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho, which isamong the top locations for test-marketing new products in our great nation. Apparently, we have certain demographic characterisitics (doughy, gun-fondling, dog-owning) that are useful predictors of how a new product might sell. It's sometimes pretty obvious, when for three weeks every convenience store checkstand features some horrifying new variation on an existing product, like Double-Caffeinated Cool Ranch Twix Bars. So here's a trial balloon that may or may not sail: Newt Gingrich says he'd just love to be on Celebrity Apprentice, aka Donald Trump's Festival of Fail. Your Wonkette enthusiastically hopes this comes to pass, because it would be Yooge and Beeyootiful.


Mr. Gingrich is really into the idea that Republicans need to be a lot more fun and "relatable" so they won't have to rely on "ideas" and "positions" so much. So on Laura Ingraham's radio show, he offered to do whatever it is that happens on Celebrity Apprentice, a program that we have never watched but which we understand involves teams competing to make some horrible business idea come to fruition, like "selling chocolate-covered steel wool to Idahoans" or "repackaging supply-side economics so it doesn't sound quite so medieval." Gingrich offered this rationale, which is just the kind of creative thinking we have come to expect from him:

"I've known the Donald, we've done fundraisers together. But look, I think Republicans would be so much better off and relaxed [to] go on shows like that and be interesting."

He added: "Donald Trump is a phenomenon. Donald Trump has no meaning in American politics except that he is a billionaire who is interesting and who is very clever at getting in the news."

"If only the Republicans were as talented at branding as Trump is," said Ingraham, who also said she'd appear on Trump's reality show.

Still, Gingrich acknowledged that trying to emulate the short-fingered vulgarian might be a bit too "edgy" for some Republicans, those who are not as "hip" or "devil-may-care" or "fucking stupid" as a Newt Gingrich:

"That would require a risk-taking attitude and a willingness to look a little foolish, which most Republicans are horrified at," Gingrich said. "Trump is a guy who is pretty careful about going out there and mixing it up, and he knows that some days he's going to look foolish and some days he's going to look brilliant -- but overall, you're going to remember his name."

We are not entirely sure, dear Wonketteers. Trump insists on SO MUCH ass-kissing. Do you think Gingrich could do it? We bet he could. In fact, they'd have to have a mutual ass-kissing pact. Trump would have to flatter Gingrich for his big brain, and Gingrich would have to flatter Trump for his business acumen. It would be the worst lemon party ever.

[Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

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Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

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