Harry Reid Retiring To Let Someone Else Lead Senate Democrats To Defeat For A Change

After insisting that he would absolutely seek re-election in 2016, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid released a video and statement reminding us, in case we'd forgotten, that he used to be an amateur boxer -- oh, and also, he will not seek re-election after all.

“The job of Minority Leader of the United States Senate is just as important as being the Majority Leader. It gives you so much opportunity to do good things for this country. And that’s what I am focused on.

Which is why, after Reid's done pushing Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell around for the next 22 months, Reid will be taking his boxing gloves and going back home to Nevada.

We have to make sure that the Democrats take control of the Senate again. And I feel it is inappropriate for me to soak up all those resources on me when I could be devoting those resources to the caucus, and that’s what I intend to do.

We will surely miss Sen. Reid. Or at least, we will miss the badass parts of him. Like, for example, when he pointed and laughed at Scott Brown (R-Whatever State Is Handy) after Professor Elizabeth Warren totally kicked his ass in 2012, and Reid said Brown was a big ol' joke in the Senate for the one measly term he served before voters were like, "Ugh, FIRED!"

Aw heck, we love trash-talking Reid. He's the one who also gossiped that Texas Rep. Pete Sessions had allegedly said to President Obama, "I cannot even stand to look at you."

And then there was the time Reid who was all, like, "You guys wanna hear a rumor I heard about Mitt Romney not paying his taxes?"

“He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain,” said Reid. “But obviously he can’t release those tax returns. How would it look?”

Of course Team Mitt said Harry Reid was a big ol' liar and a jerkface and proved it by releasing all of the Romneys' taxes except for how that never happened, not even to this day, and then a spokesfool for the Republican National Committee accidentally sort of confirmed that Reid was right all along, but insisted he was still a jerkface for mentioning that the Romneys didn't pay any taxes, and Reid, being a gentleman, didn't even say, "Ha ha ha, told ya so, BITE ME!"

We will also miss taskmaster Reid, who just last year, when he was still majority leader but only in a lame duck way, told senators that if they couldn't finish their homework on time, he was going to cancel Christmas.

And chessmaster Reid -- we like him too. Even though we have come to expect, after his 10 years of leadership, that when he writes Sternly Worded Letters and talks so tough, that's a precursor to him eventually caving because god forbid Republicans say mean things about him, there have been some occasions when Reid is like, "Nah, screw you guys, I AM the boss of you." We have especially enjoyed watching Reid get his tough guy on since McConnell assumed Reid's former job as majority leader, forcing Republican leadership to have to cave and give in and beg for help from Democrats to get anything at all done. There should be a four-syllable German word for how much we have enjoyed that role reversal.

So, despite promises and lots of sports metaphors about fighting in the Senate forever and ever, Reid's long and mixed-record career will soon come to an end. We wish him well and hope he enjoys his retirement. And that getting some rest and relaxation will help him avoid any further injuries by inanimate objects. 

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[ Reid's Senate Page ]