Harry Reid Says Donald Trump Not Very Well Endowed, With Dollars

Harry wins another round.

That badass Harry Reid is using the last days of his Senate career doing THE LORD'S WORK, for sure! It's become an ongoing series lately, to report at you what hilarious things badass Harry Reid has said about the pitiful sack of rabid hamster pellets known as Donald J. Trump.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/606614/too-bad-harry-reids-too-shy-to-say-what-he-really-thinks-of-donald-trump"></a>[/wonkbar]Back in August, Reid declared before God and man that Trump is too fucking stupid to take the American citizenship test. (Probably true!) Then last week, Reid proclaimed from on high that Trump is a "human leech," a total scammy fraud, and also a "spoiled brat." (More true things!) And since everybody's been talking about poor Hillary's ailing health, Reid pointed out that LOL that Donald Trump boy shops in the HUSKY section when he buys his Rustler jeans from Kmart, because he's kinda HUSKY for boy his size. Oh, and he also called him a "liar" and a "phony" and "immoral" and "weak." We just wish Harry Reid would learn to speak up about what he REALLY thinks, you know?

And now Reid has struck again, suggesting that MAYBE the reason Trump won't release his tax returns because his, ahem, BANK ACCOUNTS, are kind of, well you know, shriveled and tiny:

HAHAHAHA, he said Trump is "faking his net worth." Wonder what other sorts of things Trump has to "fake." It would be funny to ask Melania that, if she wasn't in hiding or whatever.

After playing on Twitter, Reid went to his job at the Senate, and unleashed more hell about how Trump is probably not lugging around the kind of YOOOOGE family jewels he'd like us to believe, because for one thing, he squandered the family jewels his daddy gave him. A few choice quotes:

"He was born with an inheritance but lost his daddy's wealth," Reid said. "That's why Donald Trump won't release his tax returns. That's certainly one of the reasons, of course. He is not worth nearly as much as he claims to be." [...]

"In lieu of real business success, Trump resorts to scams, like Trump University," Reid said, pointing to the various lawsuits and investigations surrounding the Trump program. [...]

"If he doesn't have the money himself -- which he obviously doesn't -- then he uses other people's money," Reid said.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/606775/"></a>[/wonkbar]We bet that's 1,000% spot-on correct! We think if Trump released his returns, lots of common folks impressed by his alleged wealth would start to understand something about what kind of "rich person" Trump is. His supporters see his hotels and skyscrapers and imagine he's just BATHING in actual money, and they aspire to have that one day. But we suspect, like Harry Reid suspects, that Trump is one of those "rich people" who actually, on paper, doesn't have a pot to piss in. We're guessing everything is leveraged with other people's money, which would be why he had to use his own charitable foundation's money (which is funded by OTHER PEOPLE) to pay off his own bad debts and settlements.

In very simple words, we wouldn't be surprised if Donald Trump's personal debit card got declined at the Applebee's.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/606604/donald-trumps-idiot-son-says-dad-wont-release-taxes-because-then-everybody-could-see-his-taxes"></a>[/wonkbar]Look, it's off-the-charts weird how Trump refuses to release his returns. His creep-faced son, Shitstick Junior, says they would bring up too many "questions" that detract from his dad's core message, which is that the white race will rise again. Mitt Romney -- MITT ROMNEY! -- is fairly certain there is a "bombshell" in Trump's tax returns. Could it be Mittens is reading Trump for one of those over-extended new money "fake rich" people that old money families with actual assets look down on? Is that the "bombshell"? We are just spitballing here, don't mind us.

We sure do know Trump is overly sensitive about the size of his package, by which we mean the package that holds his ELEVENTY BILLION MONEY RICHES (allegedly). We know when Comedy Central roasted Trump in 2011, the only jokethat was off limits was saying anything about Trump not being well-endowed in the financial department. It really bothers him! Is it because he has something to hide? If we saw Trump's tax returns, would we find out the only thing that makes them bulge so impressively is a bunch of rolled-up gym socks? Oh, we are just askin' questions.

Hey, Hillary, when you debate Donald Trump Monday night, you ought to ask him this stuff. It makes him CRAZY. If you can get him to use "shrinkage" as an excuse, you will automatically become president by default, #ConstitutionFact.

[Talking Points Memo]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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