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Hawaii's Senator Brian Schatz Didn't Actually Do Sex On That Sheep

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Well, dear Wonkers, it appears you have finally learned what thetip line is for, as you have sent along the Wonkettiest story that ever Wonketted, this Daily Caller masterpiece, "Hawaii senator Brian Schatz involved in simulated sheep rape rituals." Click! Click click click click click click! Oh, now there is sheep sex in 51 open tabs!


Except, oh, it turns out you do not actually have to click, because "Hawaii senator Brian Schatz involved in simulated sheep rape rituals" is actually a frat hazing thingy from 1994, at Pomona College, and they would just tell the pledges, yo, fuck this sheep, but then the pledges would not fuck the sheep, and if the pledges were stupid enough to try to fuck the sheep, they would stop them and say, yo, do not actually fuck the sheep.

They did though have the sheep locked up in a sad sex dungeon, with a door between it and its food and water. NOT COOL GAMMA GAMMA OR WHATEVER THE FUCK FRATERNITIES ARE CALLED.

Anyhoo, it's fuckin' August dudes. Expect more of the same.

[DailyCaller, via Wonket superoperative "chascates"]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The president of the United States called a black woman a "dog" on Twitter Tuesday morning. It is common for folks who pride themselves on their supposed rational "level-headedness" to insist that Donald Trump's Twitter antics are part of some three-dimensional chess-like machinations intended to "distract" us from the Mueller investigation. But despite what Trump might think about my genetic stock, I'm capable of maintaining more than one competing thought in my head.

Sure, there's Russian collusion out the wazoo. Yes, immigrant children are still separated from their parents because of the Trump administration's cruel policies. But I also think whenever we dismiss something Trump does that would be a major story in any other presidency with a mammal chief executive, we help normalize this repulsive behavior.

I've mentioned before that every time Trump whips out his racist bullhorn, the "level-headed" brigade rapidly responds with examples of Trump also being an asshat to white guys and won't someone please think of them? "Doesn't Trump frequently call people dogs? He likes to take a Michael Vick theme to his personal insults." Charles M. Blow, who is more dedicated than I, looked into this claim, and it doesn't appear to be true.

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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