Helpful Militia Guys Want To Guard Texas Borders, Promise Not To Trip Over Own Guns, Dicks
Absolutely no one could have seen this coming: A Texas militia group is asking its supporters to patrol the border with Mexico to keep out the terrible illegal immigrants who are apparently just everywhere down there:
The citizen militia operation, called “Secure Our Border - Laredo,” is urging members to voluntarily guard private property near the border town along the Rio Grande, where some residents have felt threatened by drug cartels and other gangs.
What could possibly go wrong?
As we all know, the borders are just crawling with diseased children wandering around like The Walking Dead, as well as the narcos and the gangs and the haters and probably all sorts of criminal scum here at the personal invitation of Barack Hussein Obama, and so the militia dudes just want to help. Besides, they aren't going to go nutso or anything -- their commandante, Spc Chris “Threepercenter” Davis (he may have only reached the rank of Specialist -- formerly, one hopes -- but he calls himself "Commander"), has been very clear that he doesn't want anyone going off half-cocked or being, like, openly racist. In a now-maybe-deleted Facebook post, Davis cautioned that when he discussed the operation, he definitely didn't want any of the commenters replying with "kill them!" or racial slurs, because that sort of thing could be "used against the operation." So it sounds like they've got operational security taken care of!
Plus, a spokeswoman for the group told the Brownsville Herald that they're going to be real, real careful:
“This is not a ‘go-in-guns-blazing’ kind of thing ... This will be handled with the utmost professionalism and security and safety for everyone involved.”
Of course, that seems maybe a little at odds with some of the rhetorical flourishes in a YouTube video (also now removed) posted by Davis, in which he explained how to motivate your basic illegal alien to respect American Sovereignty:
“You see an illegal,” Davis says in the video. “You point your gun dead at him, right between his eyes, and you say, ‘Get back across the border or you will be shot.’”
Also, if law enforcement agencies show up to interfere, Davis suggested that it would be best to start the next American revolution and “start the next 1776 right there on the border,” because obviously only a traitor would interfere with the important self-proclaimed border operations of patriotic militiamen.
For some reason, the local law enforcement didn't find the militia's volunteerism all that inspiring. Hidalgo County sheriff Eddie Guerra said,
“We don’t need their services on our border ... If we ever did, I’m sure we have enough good people in Hidalgo County that I can call up.”
No idea how the gun-wankers will take that. On the one hand, Guerra is a county sheriff, which you'd think would carry some weight with the Sovereign Citizen types. On the other hand, he's opposed to patriots taking the law into their own hands, which sounds an awful lot like he's infringing their sacred Second Amendment rights.
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. As long as no immigrants are actually in the area, he'd almost like to watch these guys play soldier.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.