Barack "Barry Bamz Obummer the Kenyan" Obama went on the Jimmy Kimmel program to do that segment Jimmy sometimes does, where celebrities read all the mean and nasty things Twitter says about them, even though really, the ones they picked out are not all THAT mean, probably because Obama thinks he's president or something, despite Tom Cotton's clear explanation to the Iranians that Obama is NOT PRESIDENT.

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Honestly, Wonkette could have made up some of the Mean Tweets. MAYBE WE DID, the joke is on you, Barack Obama, nobody has ever said anything mean about you ever!

While Barry was reading all the sad Twitter news about himself to Jimmy Kimmel, Michelle Obama got to hang out with Ellen DeGeneres and just cold beat her in a dance-off, even though Ellen points out that she is CLEARLY in better shape than Michelle Obama is. This is all somehow related to how Michelle Obama is AT IT AGAIN, trying to make your family healthier, encouraging people to #GimmeFive ways that you are making your own life better. Let her explain:

“We’re asking folks all across the country to #GimmeFive ways their leading a healthy life. We’ve got a lot of celebrities involved. Beyonce gave me five, and Ryan Seacrest and Nick Jonas and even the astronauts on the space shuttle; the International Space Shuttle got involved. And we’re gonna take over the Easter Egg Roll this year with a #GimmeFive dance and actually the So You Think You Can Dance All-Stars are coming to the Easter Egg Roll to teach the whole south lawn this dance.”

OH GREAT, Michelle, you accidentally said "International Space Shuttle." Jim Hoft, looks like you have a dumb fucking blog post to write, be sure to say SHOCK VIDEO and tie it in with the time President Obama accidentally said we have 57 states, that should work.

So, the new dance they do on the Ellen show is associated with that, and really, again, Michelle Obama is the best FLOTUS ever, and will always hold that title, because Barack Obama is going to declare martial law in 2016 so that he gets to be president forever, yay!

We just fell in love all over again, time for a cocktail.

[The New Civil Rights Movement/JustJared]