Here Are One Million Words About Why You Gays Are Filthy And The Catholic Church Still Hates You

We don't know about you, but we always like to start off our day with a nice, juicy, really fucking incomprehensible thing to read. (Yes, we know it is already afternoon. Screw off. We start our days late and hungover.) Starting off the day with one million words of word salad makes everything else we read later in the day -- even Ted Nugent, even Jennifer Rubin, seem well-composed by comparison. Reading this thing was like reading Faulkner, except with no intriguing Southern Gothic rotting corpses. Today's bit of morning sunshine   is yelling at us foreverever about teh gheys are happier about Catholic cardinals being softer (??) which seems the opposite of what teh gheys would be excited about:

Experts say, despite an apparently softer tone on homosexuals from two leading American cardinals, the Roman Catholic Church will not and cannot shift its moral teaching on same-sex "marriage" or the grave sin of homosexual acts.

Cardinals Timothy Dolan, the Archbishop of New York, and Donald Wuerl of Washington D.C., both said in separate interviews that the Church would not be altering its position on “gay marriage” but both are being praised by Terrence Weldon, a British homosexual activist and author of the ‘blog “Queering the Church”.

So a ghey is happy about something some Cardinals said, but they should not be happy, "experts" think?

Mebbe if we learn about what the Cardinals said, this would make sense?

We'd pull over the quotes for you, but unlike LifeSiteNewsYouCanUseForeverIfYouLoveGod or whatever this site is called, the Editrix does not allow us an infinite number of words to make our point or not make our point. Cliff's Notes Cardinals:  New York's Archbishop Timothy Dolan said that only one man-one lady marriage counts, but they really love gay people. Maybe teh gheys are excited about how soft this is because at least it does not say that Catholics should murder them in the streets? Washington D.C.'s Cardinal Donald Wuerl said that the Church will never recognize your sham gay marriage and will shame you just like they shame the divorced and remarried, but you should all come to church and get closer to Jesus anyway. That is indeed probably less terrible than things the Church has said in the past!

Having the Catholic Church give even the meanest table scraps to teh gheys seems to make the people at LifeSiteNewsShamaLamaDingDong VERY UNHAPPY. So they called the Cardinal's office (no, really) for clarification, and the Cardinal's office told them to go hang (no, really, but nicer than that). So in order to keep pummeling the gays with a proper level of hate, they dusted off some minor priest somewhere to "clarify" what the Cardinals meant because you shouldn't listen to Cardinals and draw your own conclusions, stupid. Let this priest dude explain at you until you nod off:

But Fr. Peter West, Vice President for Missions of Human Life International , said that any suggestion to the contrary, Cardinal Wuerl’s comments cannot be taken as any kind of softening by the Church on homosexuality or “gay marriage.”[...]

Fr. West clarified the Church’s official teaching.[...] “Catholics of good will are welcomed to Mass, but only Catholics in the state of grace are allowed to receive the Holy Eucharist, which is a statement of communion with the Church. Catholics who publicly reject Church doctrine and are living in grave sin are called to repentance out of a pastoral concern for their souls, and a desire for their return to communion.”

Ok gays! So you should go to church? Or maybe you should not? You should eat Jesus? Or maybe you should not because you are still filthy whoregays? LifeSiteNewsOfTheWorld probably thinks you should stay home because "homosexuality and all other moral, life and family issues are all interconnected in an international conflict affecting all nations..."

Gays. First they come for your marriage. Then they come for your children. Then they come for your country. Then they have the whole world in their hands, just like Jesus used to. Hope you enjoyed your civilization, straight people!

[ LifeSiteNews ]