Here, Hippies, Is Your Dumb Astrological Election Prediction
How're your chakras? Are they shimmery and light? They aren't constipated and sludgy, we hope! How's your crystals? Helping you channel Ramses or Mothra or whatever? Great! What about your chart? Have you checked your chart lately? Is Mercury in retrograde? Is something else in something else? Has Jupiter aligned with Mars? Who does this dumb astrologer think will win the election?
Well, this dumb astrologer, Paul Saunders, thinks Barack Nobumer will win the election. AS IF. The stupid astrologer doesn't even get his birthplace right: he claims B. Barry Bamz was born in HONOLULU. Therefore, ignore the many thousands of words about charts and natals and ascendants (we did!), as it is founded on A LIE. (Still better founded than Joe Scarborough's gut, probably.)
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.