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Here Is Jim Hoft's Apology From Your Wonkette

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Dear Jim Hoft, aka Gateway Pundit, aka The Internet's Stupidest Man,


We saw your victorious post this morning asking Wonkette for a "correction," for being completely correct and pointing out that you are very stupid.

We are very, very sorry, that you are so stupid. We are sorry that reading is haaaaaaard for you. Have you considered Hooked on Phonics?

When some guy, Guy, sent out a DCCC DSCC fundraising letter, he said that Tea Party people "waved signs with Nazi symbols." You said -- in bold even! -- that Of course, this did not happen. Anywhere. You promised $3150 to the feminist group of Elizabeth Warren's choice if anyone could prove that it did. (Dear Senator Warren: we are a feminist group. Please have Hoft send the lovely munnies to us.)

It took Gary like three minutes of pretty hard Googling, but he's Ford tough! But then, after Gary sent you a link showing just that, you changed your challenge! In fact you "altered" it. You said someone had to actually find pictures of Tea Party folks "approvingly" carrying Nazi symbols, "endorsing" Nazism, like, we dunno, the English Defence League or something, because you said that's what that guy, Guy, was clearly suggesting, even though that is not what he said. Also, you said the Teabaggers clearly "denunciated" it.

Please Jim Hoft. Please learn to spikka de Eenglish more gooder.

So you posted your triumphant update that that guy, Guy, sent a new email in which he expanded his wording to "using Nazi symbols to attack opponents." You said he "altered" his fundraising letter -- which he didn't! He sent out a new fundraising letter which added three words. You altered your challenge -- after it was met -- and then said he altered his letter!

I mean, that is crazy, right?

You called on us to correct ourselves, for being wrong somehow? Which we most certainly were not, what are you even talking about? Because you were wrong? Because you are functionally illiterate and claim things never happened, when they did, because they did not happen in the imaginary way you claim someone else claimed they did, when those people did not?

And though you "altered" your challenge after your challenge had already been met and never admitted it, you claimed other people altered their shit? Because you could see into the brain of the guy, Guy, and know what he was "suggesting"? Instead of the words he actually said, which you said Of course, this did not happen. Anywhere? And then we sent you a photo?

Seriously, pay the fuck up.

Be a man, shitbrain. WE WANT YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

Love,

Wonkette

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please help, by making a donation of MONEY.

[Washington Post]

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