Here is Your Handy Wonkette Guide to Not Panicking About 3D-Printed Guns

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This is a guest post from your compatriot Alex Ruthrauff, aka “Sheriff Joe Biden.”


We are all Jetsons now with our 3D printers spitting out all kinds of shit all the time, like houses and ears and spiky-tipped dildos and also now guns named by unimaginative libertarian dipsticks. Meet the, ahem, "Liberator," everybody! The New York Post has a typically panicked cover story about the first functional 3D printed gun. This is supposed to give us the vapors, because "the weapon would elude metal detection," and the company behind it is about to publish the blueprints, so “anyone, including terrorists” can print one. While panic is always fun and it would be even more fun to see what would happen if we all as a group fainted at the same time, there are a few reasons why nobody should freak out about this.

  • The killing kind of bullets still can’t get through metal detectors, because they are made of metal.
  • There are about three hundred million boring old regular guns in the US already. If someone printed literally one million 3D guns, that total would be increased by roughly 1/3rd of one percent.
  • The prototype fired six bullets before it was rendered unusable, because it’s made of fucking plastic.
  • The thing looks so stupid. Like, come on, look at it.
  • If someone wanted to hurt you, there are already numerous ways they could do it, almost any of which would be easier than 3D printing a shitty gun.

We feel better, don't you?

At any rate, the only actual scary/dumb thing in this or any news story is as usual something that came from the mouth of a member of Congress. Take it away, Chuck Schumer:

“Everyone’s seen the movie ‘In the Line of Fire,’ where one of the great bad guys, [played by] John Malkovich, labored at making a gun out of plastic and wood so it could get through metal detectors and he could assassinate the president. But that was only a movie, and just [last] week, it has become reality.”

At least now we know what Chuck Schumer has been watching on Netflix lately. [Venture Beat]

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