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Here We Made You These Pictures Of The Back Of Rand Paul's Head From His Dumb 'Bipartisan' Coffee Nonsense

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So we got out of our pajamas AND EVERYTHING to go to Rand Paul's Dumb 'Bipartisan' Coffee Nonsense (official title) on the steps of the Capitol, and fucking goon park police dude wouldn't let us up because we don't have "press" "credentials," because of how as a CONSTITUTIONAL SCHOLAR we do not believe in the licensing of a free press. (True story. About the not believing in press credentials, we mean. Also the other part, true too.)


So, please have some pictures of the back of Rand Paul's head! Paul, it turns out, is a wee little man, so many of our pictures were of the back of the person standing in front of him. We have saved you from those. You are welcome. Also, we will have some Thoughts on Rand Paul's Dumb Bullshit Not A Photo Op, after the jump!

OK, here is our Thought on Rand Paul's Dumb Bullshit Not A Photo Op: you know what else would "ratchet down" the talk and tension over the government shutdown?

Not shutting down the government every time you don't get your way, you fucking loser.

Whoa, did we just BLOW YOUR MIND????

This is not the douchey Park police. This man was very nice. Also, does anyone happen to know him??? Oh, no reason.

Here is Rand Paul's head again. His butt is saggy :(

Also, we got to listen to some sad reporter do the saddest of all Man On The Streets, as she tried to get an opinion from a Real Murcan about whether Democrats should be at the "bipartisan" coffee, and you could hear her desperation at realizing how fucking stupid her subject was, and how he was yahooin' all about "why can't they talk to each other? You can't solve nuttin' if-a you won't talk!" and she was trying to explain about how the Republicans just want what they want (Barack Obama to Not Be President) without sounding like a lib, and it was so thankless.

So. Thankless.

Thank God we are not real press, ugh.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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