Here's All Your LATE-BREAKING TRUMP-RUSSIA NEWS, For You To Poop On
Another day, more WILD AND CRAZY news about Donald Trump, Russia, and all their completely innocent connections! Let's jump right in!
We Don't Know How Many Of Trump's Silly Boys Got Turnt By The Russians, But The Russians Sure Were Trying!
Remember when former CIA director John Brennan was testifying before the House Intelligence Committee, and greasy shiny chipmunk turd Trey Gowdy tried to do a "GOTCHA!" and get Brennan to say there was NO EVIDENCE of collusion between Trump and Russia? Brennan made very clear that he was able to see intelligence last summer, of contacts between key Russian bad actors and members of the Trump inner circle, that alarmed him so much that he turned it all over to the FBI and said, "Please look into this!" The New York Times reports that, though we don't yet know how much Russians were able to successfully influence members of Team Trump, they sure were chattering like little chatterboxes about how that was EXACTLY what they were trying to do!
Tell us, NYT!
American spies collected information last summer revealing that senior Russian intelligence and political officials were discussing how to exert influence over Donald J. Trump through his advisers, according to three current and former American officials familiar with the intelligence.
The conversations focused on Paul Manafort, the Trump campaign chairman at the time, and Michael T. Flynn, a retired general who was advising Mr. Trump, the officials said. Both men had indirect ties to Russian officials, who appeared confident that each could be used to help shape Mr. Trump’s opinions on Russia.
Some Russians boasted about how well they knew Mr. Flynn. Others discussed leveraging their ties to Viktor F. Yanukovych, the deposed president of Ukraine living in exile in Russia, who at one time had worked closely with Mr. Manafort.
Huh, that is weird! It's almost like there might BE fire behind all this smoke! Flynn, of course, is currently blowing off subpoenas from the Senate Intelligence Committee, because he's scared if he turns over information about his (maybe) criminal activities with Russia, people might think he's some kind of criminal or something, which would be unfair! Meanwhile, Manafort is complying with the Senate Intel Committee's requests for documents, because he's trying his damnedest to look innocent.
Manafort gave a statement:
“If there ever was any effort by Russians to influence me, I was unaware, and they would have failed,” Mr. Manafort said in a statement. “I did not collude with the Russians to influence the elections.”
Neat. Did Paul Manafort collude with the Russians to influence the Republican platform on Russian sanctions? Did he collude with the Russians to influence Donald Trump, whose campaign he was running at the time, to take Putin's side on sanctions and other issues? We don't know, because that's not part of the carefully worded and very specific statement Manafort just gave.
Anyway, this is surprising news that none of us at Wonkette have been predicting for a whole year now. Ready for your next story? LET'S GO!
Jeff Sessions Didn't Report His Russian Meetings On His Security Clearance Application, What A Forgetful Alabama Brain Noodle He Has!
Remember how Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III kept having sexxxy speed dates with the Russian ambassador, but conveniently perjured himself about that during his confirmation hearings? It seems like so long ago! Well it turns out that, on top of THOSE lies, Sessions just plum forgetted to report those meetings when he applied for his security clearance, on the part of the form where it asked about all the meetings he's had with agents of foreign governments in the last seven years. It must have slipped out of his Alabammy brain hole! What a forgetful Fred! Oh yeah, and this is not a leaky leak from the Deep State, this is just something CNN confirmed with Jeff Sessions's Justice Department.
Sessions has a convenient excuse:
Sessions initially listed a year's worth of meetings with foreign officials on the security clearance form, according to Justice Department spokeswoman Sarah Isgur Flores. But she says he and his staff were then told by an FBI employee who assisted in filling out the form, known as the SF-86, that he didn't need to list dozens of meetings with foreign ambassadors that happened in his capacity as a senator. [...]
"As a United States Senator, the Attorney General met hundreds -- if not thousands -- of foreign dignitaries and their staff," spokesman Ian Prior said. "In filling out the SF-86 form, the Attorney General's staff consulted with those familiar with the process, as well as the FBI investigator handling the background check, and was instructed not to list meetings with foreign dignitaries and their staff connected with his Senate activities."
Yeah uh huh. Sessions has been using that excuse for a while now, that during the time he was an integral part of Donald Trump's campaign, while he was attending meetings involving Trump and the Russian ambassador AS FAR BACK AS APRIL OF 2016, his foreign Russian meetings were just part of his work as a lowly hayseed hick 'Bama senator, and had NOTHING to do with Trump and Russia.
Sorry, but we call bullshit.
Also There Is A Thing About James Comey ...
Yeah, but we're going to talk about that in another post so COOL YOUR JETS, CAROL.
That's what we thought.
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