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Oops! She did it again!


Carly Fiorina was speeching at some lady Republicans who were having themselves a Chili Dinner Fall Fundraiser -- dunno, maybe one of them needs a new pearl necklace? -- and what do you think Carly speeched at them? That time she partial-birth abortioned Hewlett-Packard with a rusty coat hanger and then skipped away, la la la, with a $40 million go-the-fuck-away-forever package? Did she show-and-tell her ladyparts to prove she is a better vagenius than that other lady, Hillary Clinton? (God, we hope not, or there might have been a lot of upchucked chili to clean after the event.)

Nah, Carly dry-humped her favorite talking point these days: Planned Parenthood is the suck, BOOOO Planned Parenthood. Nobody's really enthralled with her record at HP (except for, all of a sudden, that trazillionaire dickjob Tom Perkins, who was one of the HP board members who voted to fire her, LOL). But BOOOO Planned Parenthood has Republicans squirting in their granny panties, so that's what the flapped her lying yap about, with lies. Let's watch!

To be fair to Carly, the first words out of her persona are not technically a lie. She says people are always telling her she is "anti-woman," and she doesn't deny it. She just makes a face and says “Really?” all sarcastic-like, and the lady Republicans in the room hee-hee and ha-ha, so funny. She doesn't follow up her sarcasm with any examples to dispute the anti-woman accusation because that's hard to do when you oppose equal pay, family leave, women's healthcare -- and oh yeah, feminism itself, because that's just liberal claptrap. Ah, but what do we know? (A lot actually. We are A Feminist, for real, we have the college degree and everything.)

And then:

Planned Parenthood has never denied that they are engaging in late-term abortion for the purpose of harvesting body parts, because they cannot deny it. It is true.

That's a slightly different accusation from the one that made Carly everyone's favorite new fap material, when she said she had WATCHED THE VIDEO of Planned Parenthood leaving a living, aborted fetus die on a table, while a Planned Parenthood staffer talked about how to harvest its brain.

That, as we all know -- literally, all of us, even the lying dick scum who made the videos -- is not true because there is no such video. But now Carly's cleverly pivoted to a more vague accusation about Planned Parenthood's abortion practices, and it is STILL A LIE.

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Anybody with even one brain cell can ask Google about late-term abortions, and Google will use little words and pretty pie charts to educate that brain cell about the extreme rarity of late-term abortions, and all the law regulating them, and how they are pretty much always performed to save the life of the mother or to remove a dead or dying fetus from the womb, and never "for the purpose" of harvesting body parts, WHAT THE FUCK, CARLY? Oh, and yes, Planned Parenthood has denied -- in writing, in interviews, in videos, in congressional hearings, in finger paint, and in interpretative dance -- every single dumbstupid accusation leveled against it about its fetal tissue donation program. Duh. Double duh. Jesus Christ, triple duh.

Lie at us some more, Carly:

When I am president of the United States --

Right, like that. Then she says how she will defund Planned Parenthood when she is president, yeah OK, whatever, anyway, go on:

This is another topic that we need to educate Americans on. Because Planned Parenthood, along with the media, has managed to convince a lot of people of things that are not true. Most Americans think Planned Parenthood conducts mammograms. They do not.

OK, more fact-checking on aisle STFU. Planned Parenthood has never claimed to conduct mammograms. It examines patients for lumps and refers them to the appropriate specialists, as needed. As any lady of a certain age knows -- and that should include BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR Carly Fiorina -- that is how lady healthcare works. Heck, that is how ALL healthcare works. Your doctor examines you and if your doctor thinks there might be an uh-oh, your doctor refers you to the radiology lab where the special machines (like the mammogram, or the CT scan kind, or the MRI kind) are. But you need to have the doctor refer you because, as you are NOT a doctor, you don't just walk into the lab and say, "Please to scan my brain, I think it has cancer in it." Quadruple duh.

Carly also tells a delightful story about “confronting” a Planned Parenthood protester at a football game and asking:

How do you feel about taxpayer funding — forget the abortions for a moment — how do you feel about taxpayer funding being used to funnel political contributions to pro-abortion candidates?

“That's not true,” [the protester] said.

Oh yes it is true. Go check your facts.

As Carly would say, "Really?" Forgetting the part about how Planned Parenthood doesn't receive federal funding for abortions, it doesn't receive taxpayer dollars to donate to politicians either. It is funded through Title X Family Planning programs, for the explicit purpose of family planning programs, and through Medicaid. Like any other Medicaid provider, it sends its bills to The Government, and then The Government reimburses Planned Parenthood for doing healthcare to low-income ladies and boy-ladies. That is true. It is a fact. You can look it up.

You could even ask Republican Rep. Jason Chaffetz, the guy who just held a hearing on Planned Parenthood's practices and has been investigating its finances, and has been trying like hell to find some evidence of wrongdoing and instead has found JACK POO:

“Did I look at the finances and have a hearing specifically as to the revenue portion and how they spend? Yes. Was there any wrongdoing? I didn’t find any,” he said[.]

Don't worry, though, Carly. He has promised to keep investigating Planned Parenthood FOREVAH! and then maybe he will find something for you to screech about at the next Republican debate. Except that's not going to happen, because Planned Parenthood has already been investigated FOREVAH, and everyone has found the same thing Chaffetz did: JACK POO.

And that is a fact.

[Des Moines Register]

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