Here's Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day

John McCain is on cable news and Sunday morning talk shows more than anyone in the history of being on television, and sure, we've guessed it's because bookers at every single news channel cannot be bothered to ask Google for the name and number of anyone else in America. But now, per the Washington Post's interview with CNN Washington Bureau Chief Sam Feist, we have the answer:

“He has appeared for decades on cable news programs, network news programs. He’s articulate, he knows what he’s talking about and he has strong positions. He represents the views of millions and he represents them effectively. He’s a veteran and is loved by many veterans and he’s not just a senator; he’s a former Republican presidential nominee and a war hero.” [...]

“I think that for a 78-year-old senator, he . . . remains a strong and important voice in American politics and a relevant voice in American politics."

Ohhhhhh. It's because he knows what he's talking about, and certainly there is no one else in the Senate, or the rest of the country, who knows stuff like John McCain knows stuff. So let's do some lazy-but-pointed and in-no-way-comprehensive-or-even-chronological point-making blockquotes to remind ourselves of just how much John McCain knows, shall we?

September 11, 2008:

In a interview with the NBC affiliate in Portland, Maine, McCain was asked why his running mate wouldn't take questions from the press or voters.

"She's very well-versed at that," McCain said, alluding to Palin's interaction with the press as Alaska governor. He added that she would have "a lot of conversations with the media." [...]

"She knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America," McCain said.

McCain also pointed out that Palin governed a state that neighbors Russia.

July 14, 2008:

I was concerned about a couple of steps that the Russian government took in the last several days. One was reducing the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia [dissolved Jan. 1, 1993].

And a bunch of other times too:

"I was concerned about a couple of steps that the Russian government took in the last several days. One was reducing the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia." [...]

In April 2008, he told Don Imus that in order to ensure the success of the European Missile Defense System, he would "work closely with Czechoslovakia and Poland and other countries." In October 2007, he suggested in a Republican debate that he would show Putin a little tough love. "The first thing I would do is make sure that we have a missile defense system in place in Czechoslovakia and Poland, and I don't care what his objections are to it." [...]

The Washington Post reported in 1999 that when speaking at a gala dinner for the International Republican Institute, McCain twice thanked the ambassador from "Czechoslovakia." In 1994, he suggested that the recently defunct country be brought into the international community, saying "I think there's several things that should happen, foremost, in my view, is let's move forward with the expansion of NATO into countries like Poland, Czechoslovakia and Hungary."

October 15, 2008:

MCCAIN: Just again, the example of the eloquence of Senator Obama. His [AIRQUOTES!] "health" of the mother. You know, that's been stretched by the pro-abortion movement in America to mean almost anything.

That's the extreme pro-abortion position, quote, "health."

September 24, 2008:

America this week faces an historic crisis in our financial system. We must pass legislation to address this crisis. If we do not, credit will dry up, with devastating consequences for our economy. People will no longer be able to buy homes and their life savings will be at stake. Businesses will not have enough money to pay their employees. If we do not act, ever corner of our country will be impacted. We cannot allow this to happen. [...]

Tomorrow morning, I will suspend my campaign and return to Washington after speaking at the Clinton Global Initiative. I have spoken to Senator Obama and informed him of my decision and have asked him to join me.

October 16, 2008:

You know, there's been tremendous turmoil in our financial markets and Wall Street and it is -- people are frightened by these events. Our economy, I think, still the fundamentals of our economy are strong.

July 17, 2014:

"You'll find this surprising, but I think I would have been more reluctant to commit American troops. I believe we had to go to Afghanistan. Anybody who believed after 9/11, and we knew the Taliban sheltered al-Qaida ... we had to go to Afghanistan. No one believes -- we had to go after them. [...]

It’s obvious now, in retrospect, that Saddam Hussein, though he had used weapons of mass destruction, did not have the inventory that we seemed to have evidence, which now looking back on it with benefit of some hindsight was very flimsy."

September 12, 2001:

“There is a system out there or network, and that network is going to have to be attacked,” Mr. McCain said the next morning on ABC News. “It isn’t just Afghanistan,” he added, on MSNBC. “I don’t think if you got bin Laden tomorrow that the threat has disappeared,” he said on CBS, pointing toward other countries in the Middle East.

Within a month he made clear his priority. “Very obviously Iraq is the first country,” he declared on CNN. By Jan. 2, Mr. McCain was on the aircraft carrier Theodore Roosevelt in the Arabian Sea, yelling to a crowd of sailors and airmen: “Next up, Baghdad!

October 18, 2001:

LETTERMAN: How are things going in Afghanistan now?

MCCAIN: I think we’re doing fine …. I think we’ll do fine. The second phase — if I could just make one, very quickly — the second phase is Iraq. There is some indication, and I don’t have the conclusions, but some of this anthrax may — and I emphasize may — have come from Iraq.

LETTERMAN: Oh is that right?

MCCAIN: If that should be the case, that’s when some tough decisions are gonna have to be made.

March 18, 2003:

The United States is currently engaged in a global war on terrorism, and will, in all likelihood, soon commence a necessary war to disarm Iraq by destroying the regime of Saddam Hussein. The costs of these enterprises are not known with any degree of certainty at this time. Nor are the costs we will incur after what I believe, what I fervently hope, will be a brief, successful war in Iraq, as we work to establish the foundations for a peaceful, stable and democratizing Iraq.

February 25, 2008:

My friends, the war will be over soon, the war for all intents and purposes although the insurgency will go on for years and years and years. But it will be handled by the Iraqis, not by us, and then we decide what kind of security arrangement we want to have with the Iraqis.

March 19, 2013:

“We are extremely disturbed by reports that chemical weapons have been used today in Syria. President Obama has said that the use of weapons of mass destruction by Bashar Assad is a ‘red line’ for him that ‘will have consequences.’ If today’s reports are substantiated, the President’s red line has been crossed, and we would urge him to take immediate action to impose the consequences he has promised. That should include the provision of arms to vetted Syrian opposition groups, targeted strikes against Assad’s aircraft and SCUD missile batteries on the ground, and the establishment of safe zones inside Syria to protect civilians and opposition groups.”

September 5, 2013:

“The fact is [Syrian President] Bashar Assad has massacred 100,000 people. The conflict is spreading … The Russians are all in, the Iranians are all in, and it’s an unfair fight,” McCain said Thursday, according to a CBS News report. “And no one wants American boots on the ground. Nor will there be American boots on the ground because there would be an impeachment of the president if they did that.”

July 10, 2014:

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said Thursday that he disagrees with Sarah Palin’s calls for impeaching President Obama.

“I respect always Sarah Palin’s views, but my particular view is that we should devote our energies to regaining the majority in the Senate,” McCain said in response to a reporter’s question.

August 18, 2010:

Thanks, George W. Bush. And thanks, John McCain. And thank you very oh so much, Sam Feist of CNN, for explaining that John McCain is the go-to guy because HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

Now please fuck all the way off.



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