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Heritage Foundation Will Sacrifice Its Own Son, Obamacare, To Appease Angry God

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Did you know that Obamacare is the worst thing since the Holocaust and 9/11 made love and gave birth to the BENGHAZI and IRS scandal twins? But rather than keep their promise to replace Obamacare with some other mechanism for providing basic health care to people, the GOP is intent on utterly destroying all hopes of poors and middle class peoples having access to things like mammograms, heart medication, and the chance for a kid with asthma to see a doctor. Because hahaha, sick people are so funny to watch struggle and die from preventable causes.


So what new ploy have conservatives come up with now? Rather than trying to actively find a solution to rising health care costs, conservatives are ACTIVELY TRYING TO INCREASE THE COST OF HEALTH CARE. You're welcome, America. According to Bloomberg:

Rather than focusing on repealing the law in Congress and the courts, two avenues that have failed so far, the groups are aiming to prevent the cornerstone of the legislation, the insurance exchanges, from succeeding. Their goal is to limit enrollments, drive up costs, and make it easier to roll back all or part of the law later.

If you are thinking to yourself, “God, what kind of heartless, terrible people would try to make it harder for sick people to see the doctor?” you must be an awful librul with a bleeding heart. You don’t get it, do you? Allow us to wonksplain why Obamacare is the worstest, most awfullest thing that the Heritage Foundation helped create and must now destroy.

Obamacare is based on RomneyCare, the Massachusetts program that has increased health care coverage to 98% of the population in the state. That plan was based on ideas from the Heritage Foundation, a group that was more than happy to take credit for successes in Massachusetts. But how does it work?

Both RomneyCare and Obamacare are based on insurance exchanges open to a large group of people, both healthy and not-so-healthy. Sick people will gladly sign up, because they are sick, duh. But what makes the exchanges work is getting healthy people to also sign up, providing a large base of people to pay up and allowing health insurance companies to charge not-too-outrageous premiums.

But if the scumdwelling sphincter-brained stone-hearted bastards at Heritage Foundation and FreedomWorks discourage enough healthy people from signing up, and only sick folks sign up, then insurance companies will have to charge more monies to cover the medical bills. This will make it harder for people to sign up because it is expensive, so they may wait until they are sick to sign up (if they can afford it then), thus further driving prices up. Make sense? Basically, lots of people signing up means lower costs for everybody, and more health care for Americans, which should make for a happy nice time!

But our Guiding Star of Socialism, His Royal Emperor Barack H. Obama, stole ideas from RomneyCare to make Obamacare, so IT MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS. What is good in theory and in practice is only good when Republicans implement it, you see? And because Dumbama went and did it, the Heritage Foundation is now forced to destroy that which it helped create. LOGIC, PEOPLE! Just go back to the basics: Politics always, ALWAYS trumps policy. Hypocrisy be damned!

Who cares that access to health care in Massachusetts led to reductions in leading causes of death, including heart disease, stroke, and cancer? What is important is the PRINCIPLE of completely rejecting everything that Obama touches, because he is teh worst president in the history of the universe because we said so, amen.

Heritage and other Tea Party groups are focusing their efforts in 20 states, hoping that they can discourage enough people from getting health insurance that costs skyrocket and it will be easier to repeal ObamaCare.

In the meantime, actual human beings, with actual families and jobs and friends and loved ones, might have to suffer without health insurance. Big whoop. The thing to understand here is that A PRINCIPLE is at stake! And that principle is that Obamacare is bad. If literally letting people die is the only way to let them know that the very thing that could save them is bad, then so be it. Sometimes the Tree of Liberty must be fed with the corpses of uninsured children, because freedom.

Hooray Freedom, or something.

[Bloomberg/ThinkProgress/Massachusetts Health & Human Services]

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