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Brave GOP legislators are fighting against the Kale Tyranny of Michelle Obama and her personal minions at the USDA, who are phasing in a fascist plan to require all school lunches to reduce their maximum calorie count and include servings of fruit and vegetables. Congressmen Steve King (R-Iowa/National Pork Producers Council) and Tim Huelskamp (R-Kansas/National Cattlemen's Beef Assn) have re-introduced the "No Hungry Kids Act," which would rescind the new USDA measures outlined in the "Healthy and Hunger-Free Kids Act." And we must say, bravo! Nothing says "save the children" quite as well as removing "health" from the title of a bill about school nutrition.


As evidence that the new USDA lunch guidelines are bad for children and other living things, the Daily Caller (in an April 14 story we will not link to, because fuck them) noted that schoolchildren "complained of being hungry and some pointed out that many of the healthy food options were simply ending up in trashcans." Children complain about having to eat vegetables? Who has ever heard of such a thing?

In a statement, Huelskamp made this perfectly logical comparison:

The voluminous menu that's good enough for the federal bureaucrats' cafeteria should be good enough for our children's school lunchroom. If USDA Secretary Tom Vilsack thinks the federal government should dictate what local governments put on their school lunchroom menus, why isn't he leading by example? Secretary Vilsack should impose his 'Nutrition Nanny' standards on the USDA buildings' cafeteria menus before the USDA seizes control of lunchroom menus in 100,000 school districts.

Because, of course, there is no difference between feeding 2nd graders and feeding bureaucrats, except that government office workers are slightly more likely to squeeze all the juice from their orange wedges into their hair because it "feels all tingly and stuff." (Oh, and for what it's worth, the Food Tyrants in the Obama administration have already issued a diktat to pry the Ho-Hos from bureaucrats' chocolate-smeared fingers.)

Rep. King knows that we need to have more processed food in our lunch rooms, because Freedom. Where Huelskamp warns of tyranny, King goes all Morning In America:

It's baseball season, and it's time to be outside exercising and playing, but also studying and learning. We passed the [Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act] here in Congress in order to make sure that the kids going to school got enough to eat. And now we have the USDA capping the calories, putting every American student on a diet. They've limited the amount of calories that you can have and described the kind of nutrition that you must have, and it's everyone on a diet.

That Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act actually gave the USDA greater control over school nutrition guidelines, so we aren't quite sure what King is whining about. Apparently he missed the "healthy" part of the bill's name or thought "hunger-free" meant "force-fed sawdust-corn syrup pellets," because of course pizza sauce is a vegetable. But for some reason, the socialist arugula-pushers and "nutritionists" at the USDA think they know better than America's Agribusinesses what children should eat. Why do the Obamas keep trying to cram healthier food down our throats?

[Daily Caller (no link, because, again, fuck Tucker Carlson)]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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