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Hero Lobbyist Drafting Legislation To Protect Delicate NFL Showers From Scary Gays

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Look at us going all sportsball! It's a new vertical synergized avenue of thought leader growth, mainly because there are many sports-related things that bring the funny and/or stupid. Today, we have lobbyist Jack Burkman floating a bill to ban gays from the NFL because that is the most pressing political issue of the day.


Why is Burkman so concerned about homosexuals like Michael Sam rampaging their way through the delicate locker rooms of the NFL? Showers, duh.

"We are losing our decency as a nation,” Burkman said in a statement. "Imagine your son being forced to shower with a gay man. That’s a horrifying prospect for every mom in the country. What in the world has this nation come to?”

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