Hero Marine Dad Will Unleash Hell Itself If Daughter's World History Class Says Muslims Are Real

In a shocking display of Political Correctness Run Amok, a high school in Maryland has banned a student's father from campus simply because he threatened to "bring down a shit-storm" on the school unless his daughter's World History class eliminated any mention of Islam, or at least excused her from having to learn that Islam has ever played a role in world history.

Last week, patriotic American Kevin Wood La Plata, Maryland, told La Plata High Vice Principal Shannon Morris in a phone call that it was just plain unacceptable that his daughter, a junior, should have to learn about the role of Islam in history, since he was under the impression that this would somehow make her into an actual Muslim. According to a the Maryland Gazette, the phone call led the school to seek a no-trespass order against Mr. Wood, just because he loves America (and apparently made unspecified threats to prove it):

Morris and La Plata High Principal Evelyn Arnold reported to the Charles County Public Schools central office that Wood in his phone call had threatened to upset the school environment in some way Monday, according to school spokeswoman Katie O’Malley-Simpson. O’Malley-Simpson declined to elaborate on what threats Wood had made.

If the trespass order is ignored, police could be called and have the violator removed.

“We don’t take that lightly,” said O’Malley-Simpson. “We have a lot of students, and safety comes first. We don’t allow disruptions at the schools, especially if we’re forewarned of them.”

Mr. Wood, who was a corporal in the Marine Corps, told the paper Monday "that he did not wish for his daughter, a junior at La Plata, to learn the Islamic religion, a faith he does 'not believe in.'" It was unclear from the reporting whether anyone attempted to explain that it is actually possible to learn about a thing without magically becoming that thing. Or so the teachers unions would have us believe.

The Woods had called the school earlier last week to ask that their precious delicate daughter be excused from her world history class for the duration of the unit covering Islam. Morris returned the call Thursday, and things apparently got a bit heated when she told Wood that the teacher couldn't offer an alternate assignment (maybe he wanted her to learn about a parallel Earth where Muhammed died in infancy?) and that the poor snowflake would receive a failing grade if she didn't do the assigned work. Let us emphasize that the assignment did not require her to bow toward Mecca, smuggle Ebola across Lake Erie, or leave a soccer jersey/prayer rug anywhere near the U.S.-Mexico border. Even so, Wood was not pleased:

“I told her straight up ‘you could take that Muslim-loving piece of paper and shove it up your white [expletive],” Kevin Wood said in an interview. “If [students] can’t practice Christianity in school, they should not be allowed to practice Islam in school.”

Kevin Wood, who identified himself as Catholic, denied that he had issued any threats or that he had planned to show up on the La Plata campus Monday.

In a later phone call with Morris, Kevin Wood said he blasted the school for violating his daughter’s “constitutional rights” and said he would contact the media and “bring a [expletive]storm down on them like they’ve never seen.”

Mr. Wood was not able to specify what part of the Constitution prohibits schools from including Islam in history classes; it may be the same section that guarantees the right to shoot any politician you think is a tyrant, as long as you wear a tricorner hat.

On the other hand, maybe this is all just a big overreaction! Melissa Wood, the girl's mother, insists “Nowhere did he ever threaten,” and that "this is where it’s gotten totally blown out of proportion.” After all, bringing down a shitstorm can mean so many different things. Also, it must be noted that Wood only advised the school's vice principal that she should shove the curriculum up her ass, not that he would provide any assistance. Whatever happened to freedom in America?

The school administration says the assignment covers Middle Eastern cultures and historical empires, and the content is mandated by the state board of education, which is apparently now located in Dubai. Since any alternate reading would also have to cover the actual places and events of the unit, there was apparently no way to just wish the history of Islam out of existence as the Woods had politely requested. The school also said it will not discontinue teaching world history in its world history classes.

The Woods, meanwhile, say that their daughter will stay out of class until the unit containing information on Islam is over, and will not submit (HA-HA!) any more assignments on the topic, in compliance with her parents' wishes. We expect their Free Speach Martyrdom should get them on Fox News if they play this right. The story about the brave Marine who has been banned from his daughter's school just because he "complained about pro-Muslim bias" has already made the Daily Caller, so that's a start. All hail the gathering shitstorm.

It is not known if Wood is preparing for a later unit on the rise of Nazism in Germany by helping his daughter find appropriate storefront windows to smash.

[Gazette.net via RawStory / Daily Caller]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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