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Hero Senator Burris Will Not Be Accused Of Perjury

News

Not enough evidence, apparently: "Sangamon County State's Attorney John Schmidt said that while some of Burris' statements were vague, they wouldn't support a perjury charge." Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who at first appeared to be just another grandstanding egomaniacal doofus with a mausoleum fetish, has navigated the halls of the Senate -- to say nothing of the vagaries of the Law -- with catlike grace, and has made everyone from Harry Reid to Chris Matthews look like an asshole (maybe not so hard?). Anyway, three cheers for Roland Burris. [Washington Post]

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We might not have been separating children from their parents, but we MAYBE, POSSIBLY, were torturing them physically and emotionally, according to the ACLU.

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Guys! Gals! Non-binaries! Have you gotten around to reading Julia Ioffe's new profile of Donald Trump Jr. in GQ? We have, and it is delicious. Read it for the art alone, which you will have to click over to see for yourself, because we don't want to steal the thunder of this one chap Nigel Buchanan, who drew the most HILARIOUS picture of Dipshit curled up in a ball literally in his dad's shadow. But also read it for the hilarious anecdotes Ioffe tells, of how Junior is a really sucky person whose father doesn't love him! We already kinda knew Daddy has never loved him all that much -- hell, just follow Ashley Feinberg on Twitter, as she chronicles the social media evidence of that each and every day. And we already know he sucks really hard -- like did you hear about how everybody called him Diaper Don in college because of how much he peed on himself all the time, ALLEGEDLY?

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