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You might think that Texas state Sen. Donna Campbell sounds a bit goofy for introducing a bill to ban the United Nations from taking ownership of the Alamo, but we have a feeling she might actually just be really good at Strategic Idiocy. Campbell seems to be perfectly aware that there's no UN plot to steal the Alamo from Texas and raise a blue flag over it, but by speaking fluent Texas Sovereign Crazy about the issue, she's establishing her credibility with the John Birch Society wing of Texas conservatism, which is probably a sound strategy for re-election from her district.


As we noted way back in 2013, the Alamo and some other historic Spanish missions in Texas are being considered as UNESCO World Heritage Sites, a designation that would

give the UN exactly the same amount of tyrannical control over the Alamo as it has over the other 21 World Heritage Sites in the USA, like the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Mount Rushmore, Independence Hall, Monticello, and the Statue of Liberty. Which is to say there’ll be a plaque and an official statement that it’s a very nice, historically important place that is now on a list of places that should not have bombs dropped on them, please.

At the time, Texas Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson said the specter of the UN seizing control of the Alamo was "Horse Hockey." But the urban myth has persisted, and Campbell appears quite happy to play off it for the sake of Making A Stand. Her bill would forbid the Texas General Land Office, the agency that oversees the Alamo, from ever entering any contract that "vests any ownership, control, or management of the Alamo complex in an entity formed under the laws of another country," thus forever preventing the UN from marching into Texas with their blue helmets and Russian tanks. And she gave a pretty stirring speech about preserving the Alamo for Texas, too:

"In the charge to the battle, the battle cry was 'Remember the Alamo,' and since then, the Alamo has been recognized as hallowed ground in Texas, and a shrine of Texas liberty,” Campbell said at a hearing before the The [sic]Senate Natural Resources and Economic Development Committee. “The Alamo is a story of Texas, and it should be owned, operated, and maintained, controlled by Texans.”

The thing is, even other members of the Texas Lege, the body that Molly Ivins called the "national laboratory for bad government," think Campbell's bill is kind of a dumb idea:

“I don't think there is anyone that disagrees with you about the Alamo and its history,” said Sen. Carlos Uresti, D-San Antonio. “I don't think there is any member on this committee that will allow the Alamo to be sold. The concern I have simply is that we are sending the wrong message.”

One of Campbell's fellow republicans, Sen. Kel Seliger, asked her if she even knew what designation as a World Heritage site would actually do: “What are some of the other UNESCO sites in this state and country?” Campbell didn't see that as especially important: “I don't know, because my bill is about preserving the Alamo; it is not about having a discussion regarding UNESCO.” After all, if Arizona is happy with black helicopters and re-education camps at the Grand Canyon, that's their lookout, but by God, no foreigners are ever going to take over our beloved Alamo!

Even a deputy from current Land Commissioner George P. Bush's office was unable to assuage Campbell by pointing out that the General Land Office couldn't sell the Alamo without specific direction from the Lege, which is pretty darned unlikely. Oh sure, Campbell replied, Commissioner Bush promises he'd never sell the Alamo to the UN. But without a law preventing it, who can say what some future Land Commissioner might do? We'll assume she was hinting that in some future dystopian hellscape, a Democrat might get elected to the office and immediately start selling off Texas's patrimony.

Campbell even says she doesn't have a problem with the Alamo being named a World Heritage Site, and is aware that the designation doesn't transfer ownership. On the other hand, she points out, "UNESCO starts with U.N.," which ought to be enough to terrify anyone into supporting her bill, just to be on the safe side:

"If anybody is disturbed by my bill then I would have to wonder if there's something that they know that I don't know that puts the Alamo at risk," Campbell said. "UNESCO and everybody involved should be very comfortable with my bill."

So sure, maybe it's unnecessary. But if you love Texas, you'd better pass this bill -- otherwise, what are you hiding under your Stetson -- a blue helmet?

But come on, being afraid of the UN is so passé -- the real threat is all those ISIS infiltrators buying sandwiches in Texas delis.

[Vox / Texas Tribune / Houston Chronicle]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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