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George W. Bush Finally Endorses Romney at Ornate Elevator Door-Shutting Ceremony

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At last, the only endorsement that matters: George W. Bush supports... Obama,again?... no, the other one, Willard McScalp-o-tron. It must have been the tales of privileged schoolboy terorrizing that ultimately won over Bush's heart. Gotta make'm earn it, the Bushes like to say. Anyway, Romney better get started moving into the White House right now, because this endorsement hands him the election. Where'd they hold the presser, anyway? Classic "gay weekend at the ranch" type thing? Close. It was more like Bush just hollered something half-assed through closing elevator doors.


Bush was back in Washington on a nostalgia tour today, giving his staple human rights speech ("Kill the humans so that one day they may enjoy rights") and getting ready to hit his favorite gay gym when who shows up, some reporter.

“I’m for Mitt Romney,” Bush told ABC News this morning as the doors of an elevator closed on him, after he gave a speech on human rights a block from his old home — the White House.

Ugh, these endorsements always have the most gaudy theatrics. People are struggling out there.

[ABC News]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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