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The New York Times got a big scoop on the whistleblower! No, not their name, address, favorite color, and a list of the routes they take back and forth to work and their favorite places to get an iced coffee cross-referenced with nearby cliffs that are easy to push a car over, but we're sure they'll publish that by lunch.

No, it's actual important news about the process our American hero whistleblower went through to tell the truth about what President Foreign Agent Traitor was really up to with Ukraine. The cover-up has been going on much longer than we knew.

The big reveal is that very soon after the infamous July 25 phone call where Donald Trump tried to extort the president of Ukraine into ginning up fake investigations into Joe Biden to help cheat Trump into a second term, the White House managed to find out there was a whistleblower, and that the whistleblower had complaints.

Like a week later.


Yes, apparently about a week after Trump's traitor call, the whistleblower complained to the intelligence agency where they work, as they had been previously detailed to the White House and became privy to what Trump was really up to. And since the Times just blabbed it out there -- and because the Times claims the White House already knew this information -- we'll just say the agency in question is CIA and the general counsel's name is Courtney Simmons Elwood. You know, hypothetically.

So the whistleblower went anonymously to Elwood with a limited version of the complaint, at which point she, like the intelligence community inspector general, had to figure out if there was a "reasonable basis" for the complaint. Turns out other people had already been saying very worried things about the Trump Ukraine traitor phone call!

So Elwood called the White House (!) and spoke to John Eisenberg, who is a deputy White House counsel, and whom the Times describes as Elwood's "counterpart at the National Security Council." And wouldn't you know it, but John Eisenberg had already been hearing rumblings at the water cooler about the fucked up call!

Anyway, together "[t]hey decided that the accusations had a reasonable basis," she, the CIA general counsel, and he, a lawyer from Trump's White House. So they called Bill Barr's Justice Department. (!!)

Again, at this point, we must remind you that the whistleblower complaint is about the president of the United States abusing his office and pissing all over national security for his own personal gain, and that Attorney General Bill Barr is listed in the first 100 words of the complaint as a person who is involved in the crime, allegedly.

OF COURSE they called the Justice Department!

Anyway, they talked to John Demers, who runs the national security division at Bill Barr's Roy Cohn Shop of Horrors, and Demers took it to Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen and Brian Benczkowski, who runs the criminal division. (Remember Benczkowski? The hack who got to run the criminal division at DOJ, even though his most recent gig after leaving the Trump transition was as a lawyer representing the Russian Alfa Bank, which was all up in the Trump-Russia scandal? Sure why not!)

GUESS WHO FOUND OUT THEN? NO GUESS!

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BILL BARR FOUND OUT THEN!

The Times says Barr was "briefed," but did not actually "oversee the discussions about how to proceed," according to their source. No word on what sorta phone calls he made to the White House to say "DADDDDDDDDY! THE DEEP STATE IS TATTLING ON YOU! SNITCHES GET STITCHES!"

Anyway, the Times reports that about two weeks after making the initial complaint, when the whistleblower found out Elwood called the White House to tell the White House about these high crimes and misdemeanors committed at the White House by the guy who lives at the White House, he/she got LI'L BIT WORRIED and decided to do the official whistleblower thing -- read the complaint here! -- at which point intelligence community inspector general (ICIG) Michael Atkinson determined that yes, this is credible and urgent and terriblehorriblenogoodverybad, so he kicked it upstairs to (acting) DNI Joseph Maguire, who ...

CALLED THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE AND THE BILL BARR CHOP SHOP WHERE JUSTICE GOES TO DIE.

So let's review! The White House and Justice Department started to become aware of a whistleblower a week after the July 25 phone call, which is way before August 12, when ICIG Atkinson received the initial complaint. Don't y'all think that brings up a bunch of new questions about the timing of former DNI Dan Coats's "resignation" and the subsequent FUCK YOU I'M GONE letter from career official Sue Gordon, who by law was supposed to become the acting DNI in Coats's absence? We think so. Of course we thought so when Liz wrote that story on September 16, because we are ALWAYS (often) RIGHT!

Anyway, the point is that it was always a cover-up. What Maguire said before Congress on Thursday about BLAH BLAH BLAH "classification review" BLAH BLAH BLAH he simply had to go to the White House and the Justice Department BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ... it's all bullshit. The White House and the Justice Department found out ages ago.

Now, the Times does allow that this unprecedented situation (Maguire kept telling Congress it was "unprecedented," and yes, we agree that a president asking a foreign power to help him steal an election on a call that was supposed to consist of congratulations to the new president of Ukraine is unprecedented) is exposing some of the limits of our own laws:

"I always advise whistle-blowers against going to general counsels because the general counsels have to report the matter," said Dan Meyer, the former executive director of the intelligence community whistle-blowing program and managing partner at the law firm Tully Rinckey's Washington office. "They are like tuna in a shark tank."

Oh well, better luck next time, American Hero Whistleblower.

The rest of the article is the Times coming right up to the edge of doxxing the whistleblower and executive editor Dean Baquet giving his very good explanations for why he thought that would be a good idea on the same day Donald Trump told a group of American diplomats that the people who shared information with the whistleblowers were basically spies, and know what we did back in the old days with spies and traitors? We MURDERED 'EM. (Trump didn't say that part. It was implied.)

Our point is don't read the Times article, as Wonkette just told you all the good parts, and now you don't need to.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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