HE'S. STILL. GOING.
We simply cannot write the post "Hurricane Continues To Swallow Alabama In President's Brain, But Don't Worry, Alabama, It's Super Nice Outside Right Now" each and every fucking day. But yet, we do have to cover this thing, as long as it continues. (Yes, we do. We'll talk about why in a second.)
First, let's just run down some stats:
Today's Weather Forecast In Alabama:
It is hot as BALLS, as it usually tends to be in the South well into
November September. No rain in the forecast for Birmingham, at least right now, until early next week, but Mobile has a 40 percent chance of PM thunderstorms. But will they be HURRICANE THUNDERSTORMS? (They will not. The Washington Post sent a reporter to cover "hurricane." It says there is not "hurricane.")
Trump's Most Recent Tweet On Biiiiiiiig Alabama Hurricanes (May Be Out Of Date By Time We Publish This):
Saturday night, 11:57 PM Eastern, fewer than 48 hours ago. It was this:
Zinger by the president! CNN is a cat with a laser pointer! And it is in front of ... the barely sentient president of the United States showing off the weather map he doctored with his Sharpie because his feelings were hurt over everybody making fun of him for making a stupid wrong tweet about the path of Hurricane Dorian. What's sad is that he thinks this makes him look good.
Trump's Most Recent Alabama Tweet Before That:
Mid-afternoon on Saturday. Lied about what he said in his Alabama tweet last Sunday, and insisted he wouldn't even be talking about this if the media wasn't lying on him so much. That's right, mister dumbass, it has nothing to do with your thin skin and your leaking brain and your lack of self esteem. Nothing at all.
wHy aRe wE sTiLL tAlKiNg aBoUt ThIs!!!!1!1!!!!!!
Well look, because we have a couple of important stories going on right here and right now. First, this is about the obvious further deterioration of the president's brain. Last week, we considered the possibility that Trump may never stop talking about this hurricane, and along with MSNBC's Chris Hayes, asked how long the GOP will let that go on before it finally realizes that maybe President #PAB up there in the White House might not have the mental acuity to continue in his current position. We've said it a thousand times, but if your dad was acting like this, you'd take him to a neurologist. You might go ahead and take him to the emergency room, just so they can start hooking the monitors up to his brain before the specialist gets there.
But then there is the brazen corruption aspect of all of it. On Friday night, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) released an unsolicited statement to cover up for the president, which said, in essence, that the fucking National Weather Service in Birmingham, which NOAA oversees, which had immediately contradicted Trump's original Alabama hurricane tweet, for public safety reasons, was fake news.
This is batshit. We don't care who is in office, the American people should be able to trust the people charged with FORECASTING FUCKING HURRICANES.
But even that, in Trump's America, is corrupted, because the emperor has no clothes and also very hurt feelings.
The Washington Post reported Saturday night that on September 1, the day of the infamous Trump dumbshit Hurricane Dorian tweet, the NOAA "warned its staff against contradicting the president."
In an agencywide directive sent Sept. 1 to National Weather Service personnel, hours after Trump asserted, with no evidence, that Alabama "would most likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated," staff was told to "only stick with official National Hurricane Center forecasts if questions arise from some national level social media posts which hit the news this afternoon."
In other words, say the truth, but PUH-LEEZE do not do it in any way that might hurt Dear Leader's feelings, because that is obviously more important than the lives and livelihoods of Americans in the path of the storm. According to someone inside the agency who spoke to the Post, they totally knew the directive was about the fucking idiot president.
And then NOAA did it again! After Trump drew dicks on the hurricane map, because of how he is a fragile fucking idiot!
The agency sent a similar message warning scientists and meteorologists not to speak out on Sept. 4, after Trump showed a hurricane map from Aug. 29 modified with a hand-drawn, half-circle in black Sharpie around Alabama.
"This is the first time I've felt pressure from above to not say what truly is the forecast," [an NOAA] meteorologist said. "It's hard for me to wrap my head around. One of the things we train on is to dispel inaccurate rumors and ultimately that is what was occurring — ultimately what the Alabama office did is provide a forecast with their tweet, that is what they get paid to do."
In other words, a meteorologist at NOAA is saying that he or she felt tension over whether it would be OK to correctly report the weather that day, because of how the president of the United States is an addle-brained conspiracy-mongering shitbrain who can't let things go. Totally fine!
And then on Friday, the NOAA statement we see above, calling the National Weather Service in Birmingham a big idiot. This is the America we are living in right now.
"It makes me speechless that the leadership would put [Trump's] feelings and ego ahead of putting out weather information accurately," said Michael Halpern, a deputy director at the Union of Concerned Scientists. "If we're politicizing the weather what is there left to politicize? We're seeing this kind of clamp down of scientists across the government, and it's been an escalating trend."
Don't worry, though, the "acting chief scientist" at the NOAA is going to do an investigation into why the NOAA gave Trump such a wet blowjob this week, and we all know how much scientists are respected in the Trump administration, so we are sure this will never happen again. YOU BETCHA.
Lawyers, Guns & Money points out that while this story is very stupid, it's a stupid story that's very easy for stupid idiot low-information voters to understand. It doesn't take a weatherman for a typical Alabama Trump supporter to go outside and see whether or not it's raining, and believe us, people who live in hurricane-prone communities know when the hurricane is coming. They also don't tend to view their local weatherman as part of the Deep State. (Unless they're Alex Jones fans.) For them to see that the man with the nuclear codes is still ranting about this day in and day out, it might actually get through to a few people, who might decide that actually it's fucking crazy the president keeps digging his hole, and now the fucking NOAA is handing him extra shovels.
The argument posited at LGM is that this, or something like it, might be the thing that actually and ultimately sends President SquirrelBrain over the edge for good. It would be very on brand for Trump to stroke out because he decided to double down forever on one of the dumbest tweets he ever sent, because he's just too weak and prideful to let it go.
So yeah, we'll keep an eye on this and we'll keep mocking the fuck out of that idiot every time he tweets about the greatest hurricane to fail to strike Alabama in American history. And we'll keep documenting the concomitant corruption, because oh holy shit, the corruption. And maybe if Trump gets real crazy, he'll fly down to the
sunny beaches disaster zone that is Gulf Shores, with Melania wearing her stiletto galoshes in tow, and we can all laugh and laugh and laugh and Chrissy Teigen can call Trump a "pussy ass bitch" some more on Twitter, and America will officially be great again.
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