Hey Devin Nunes, Is It Comfy Up There Inside Donald Trump's Butt?

Lives in Trump's butt.

How is Devin Nunes ruining America today? Nunes, of course, is the Republican chair of the House Intelligence Committee who, though he supposedly "recused" himself from the Russia investigation, has done everything in his power this year to obstruct justice for the White House. And he's still at it! Earlier in this year, he was popping stiffies, power-walking back and forth from the White House to the White House to tell the White House all the hottest top secret intelligence the White House told him about Obama people "illegally" doing #WireTapps and #Unmasking to Trump people. He is so far up Donald Trump's ass it would require the jaws of life to extract him, and even then he'd be like "Why are you extracting me? This is my house, where I live."

We knew Nunes was doing his own separate "Russia" investigation, while still holding subpoena power for the real House Intel Committee Russia probe, trying to prove the FBI conspired with Fusion GPS and Hillary Clinton and Russia to make up #FakeNews about Donald Trump. He is also obsessed with the notion that the FBI used the Steele Dossier (none of which has been debunked) to secure FISA warrants for all those "illegal" #WireTapps. (Nunes is clearly too stupid and ignorant about how the FBI works to be chairing a committee with oversight over the intelligence community.)

Now, Politico reports Nunes has been running his own secret working group in the House, using the very same documents and testimonies the grown-ups on the committee are using, to "prove" the FBI and Hillary and the Steele Dossier are in CAHOOTS!

A group of House Republicans has gathered secretly for weeks in the Capitol in an effort to build a case that senior leaders of the Justice Department and FBI improperly — and perhaps criminally — mishandled the contents of a dossier that describes alleged ties between President Donald Trump and Russia, according to four people familiar with their plans.

A subset of the Republican members of the House intelligence committee, led by Chairman Devin Nunes of California, has been quietly working parallel to the committee's high-profile inquiry into Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential election. They haven't informed Democrats about their plans, but they have consulted with the House's general counsel.

Sounds productive.

Nunes and the rest of the adult daycare in his working group are CONVINCED the FBI paid British spy Christopher Steele to make up lies about Trump for Hillary, and they are very angry the Justice Department won't hand them documents that say just that. We reckon Nunes would also like some real answers on whether or not Hillary Clinton is leading a special Deep State division of the FBI that's in charge of #spiritcooking and #pizzagate and #chemtrails. It is just so obvious, the conspiracy is in front of everybody's face.

Politico reports that it's unclear who Nunes's little paste-chomping secret working group buddies are, and other GOP reps on the Intel committee aren't talking. However, one of Trey Gowdy's aides says Congressman Gowdy is NOT, because "While he does believe the FBI and DOJ have recently made decisions worth looking into, he is and will always be a defender of the FBI, DOJ and the special counsel." That's right, Devin Nunes. Trey Fucking Gowdy thinks you are too gross and stupid to hang out with in your secret clubhouse.

Congressman Adam Schiff (D-Your Russia Probe Crush) says this is just more of the shit Nunes has been doing all year, and continues to sound the alarm (like he did loudly last week) that this is all part of an effort to discredit the Robert Mueller investigation, either to lay the groundwork for firing him, or to call into question his police work as the indictments continue to roll out:

"I think what we are seeing in our committee ... is an effort to attack the Department of Justice, an effort to attack the FBI, to attack Bob Mueller, is an effort to undermine the investigations and these institutions out of fear of what they’ll find and try to discredit them in advance," he said. "It’s a pernicious thing to do that will ultimately inflict long-term damage on these institutions."

They are so scared to see what Mueller's going to uncover. We've long suspected Devin Nunes is personally invested in what investigators are going to find, because we've long suspected Nunes, a member of the Trump transition, just might be dirty in the Russia investigation his own self.

So what's next? Well, Fox News breathlessly reports Nunes is going to subpoena some more FBI officials, because he, obviously the sharpest spork in the drawer, is pretty sure that will lead him to the #SmokingGun that proves whatever it is he thinks needs proving.

Meanwhile, Fox News and the GOP are still crying it out over "BUT THEIR TEXT MESSAGES!" because the fact the FBI employed a guy who said "Trump sucks" in a text message to an FBI lady he was fucking means obviously the Deep State is trying to assassinate Trump. Or something.

Oh, and Attorney General Jeff Sessions is ordering prosecutors to take a closer look-see at Hillary's Russian Uraniums from five years ago, because re-investigating debunked (by Fox News!) "scandals" is a great use of the DOJ's time. Now, to be fair to Sessions for no reason, it's possible MAYBE he is just doing this to make dildowits like his boss in the White House and congressmen like Nunes and Jim Jordan and Louie Gohmert shut their yapping faceholes. "Lookie, everyone! Jeff Sessions, a Very Good Boy, is on a top secret mission to find Hillary's uraniums!"

We don't fucking know.

In short, who is obstructing justice in the Russia investigation? ALL OF THEM KATIE!

Let's finish with the speech Senator Mark Warner, vice chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, gave Wednesday, hitting the "OH FUCK!" button like a common Adam Schiff, about what all these motherfuckers are doing to undermine America, the rule of law, and our institutions:

Holy Jesus, we are so screwed.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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