Hey How Is It Going In Our Quest To Buy An Entire Person? An Update!
Last week or something, we asked you, the faithful Wonkvillein, to help us buy an entire person in the form and shape of Doktor Zoom. And many of you immediately started sending us money -- so much and so fast, we actually were not able to send you personalized thank you notes, so we decided not to send you any thank you notes at all! (Nobody tell our beloved Miss Manners; we cannot stand to disappoint her.) We did not even send thank you notes to the several of you who forked over $50 a month, which is fucking ridiculous. Well, we are here to update at ya, and to tell you that Ben Howe, from Redstate, wants you to come together as one to help us, for liberal togetherness and community. HE DOES??? Yes, he does. Would we lie to you?
First, here is Ben Howe, bravely struggling through conservative attacks for writing some dumb thing on Buzzfeed, and explaining that despite all those conservative attacks, which he has courageously endured, with courage, it is really liberals who suck, because of how we do not support each other. :(
Meanwhile, the liberal online community these days is so disjointed and disconnected that there appears to be no loyalty fostered between one another at all. When's the last time you saw various liberal bloggers from Wonkette or Fire Dog Lake making an appeal to other liberal bloggers to join them in an effort to support one of their own? Or pitch in to send someone to a conference? Or work together to elect a candidate? Maybe it's not about partisanship for them, or maybe they are so committed to their ideology that the idea of collective mission is alien. Ironic considering their views on government.
Then there is something about linking.
The right on the other hand is blessed with community. At RedState you could just as easily find a link to Jim Geraghty at National Review as you could to Jim Jamitis at Anthropocon.com. The best part is that all three writers most likely know each other, and will share a drink next time they're in town together. They work together. They're colleagues. They're friends.
And there you have it. Atrios, Charlie Pierce,LGF,Kos*,ThinkProgress,RightWingWatch,Josh Marshall, and all the other millions of people whom we link to every day, and who link right back at us, kindly stop not linking at us, and link this post immediately, or we will never drink with you and we will hate you and stuff, just like we do now! It is TERRIBLY IMPORTANT that you help us buy a person, for liberty, and freedom, and communism, and totalitarianism. Or something. We guess.
*We are sorry we stoled your best blogger, Markos. It was not very communitarian of us. AND WE WOULD DO IT AGAIN.
Now, on to the updating! How is our mission to buy Doktor Zoom and pay him a living wage and benefits so we do not have to work 12 hours a day six and a half days a week, but rather can start working the much more reasonable 10 hours a day six days a week, coming along? REASONABLY WELL!
Like we said, the muneez flowed like wine, for a while! And we figure between a living wage and unemployment insurance and health insurance and jerb creator entrepreneuress stuff, it will cost about $60 large for the annum. And thanks to you, the Wonker, we are a small bit over 20 percent there. GOOD JOB YOU GUYS! YOU ARE SO GREAT!
But what happens if we never get to, say, at least half of what we need to pay him, and let God take care of the rest? Well in that case, we would just have to start drinking up your donations. And you wouldn't like us when we're hung over.
So hit that donate button over to the right, or if you really want to be fancy, hit the "recurring subscription" thingie and fork your bread over every month.
Do it for Ben Howe, and Redstate. Do it for Editrix's liver.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.