Hey Ladies! GOP To Solve Budget Impasse By Taking Away Your Birth Control (Again)
Guess what? We're a mere three weeks away from yet another government shutdown battle! You're probably not tired of them yet because they're SO MUCH FUN and not tedious or stressful at all, amirite? These cuts come on top of the sequester cuts, though to be honest our main problem with the sequester right now is stupid sequester jokes: snowquester, daylight savings time = sequester cuts, etc. Stop doing that. Stop retweeting those things. Just stop it. What were we talking about? Oh, right, how the Republicans are going to solve the budget by banning your birth control, gain.
So. Next government shutdown fight. Lucky for us, John Boehner is ON IT and gonna make sure that the funding bill doesn't get loaded down with extraneous nonsense provisions:
“If Senate Democrats try to load up this bill with extraneous provisions, partisan riders, budget gimmicks, we will be prepared to move a clean continuing resolution through the end of the fiscal year,” he said. “I would urge Democrat leaders in the Senate to not get greedy and get carried away and try to put forward a possibility of a government shutdown.”
(Please to go read Talking Points Memo at the linky if you want an explanation of a clean continuing resolution because although we are yr Wonkette we are not really a wonkblog like that. Suffice to say that John Boehner is being a dick, always and forever, amen).
Listen Democrats! Do not fuck around with trying to use this funding bill to push your social liebrul agenda or other such nonsense, because the Republicans aren't going to do anything like that. Oh, wait:
GOP lawmakers reintroduced a bill Tuesday to repeal the contraception mandate. They also pressed their party's leaders to roll back the provision as part of a continuing resolution later this month to keep the federal government operating.
"This attack on religious freedom demands immediate congressional action," the 14 lawmakers wrote. "Nothing short of a full exemption for both nonprofit and for-profit entities will satisfy the demands of the Constitution and common sense."
The GOP must be working under a definition of "common sense" that we were hitherto unaware of, as there is literally NO ONE yr Wonkette (yes, all of us, individually and collectively) knows that thinks that contraception is the devil. No one wants to be protected from the right to make sexytime without worrying about babytime. Worrying about babytime often cuts down substantially on actual sexytime, particularly for ladies that have sexytime with dudes, we think?
Ladies! Be prepared for another lengthy discussion of your genitalia and how you should be a blessed vessel for babymaking. Maybe, if you're very very lucky, Rush Limbaugh will call you a slut and random strangers on the internet will talk about your junk! Fun!!