Whatcha Doin', Nancy Pelosi? Kicking Moscow Mitch In The Face? We'll Hold Your Beer.
Nancy Pelosi has had quite a week, hasn't she! First she presided over the impeachment of Donald J. Trump for high crimes and misdemeanors, a feat she achieved by waiting to begin impeachment until just the right moment -- and just the right scandal -- that would keep her caucus united and bring it home. And then, seeing that the leader of the Senate, Moscow Mitch Mitchellovich McConnellevsky, has been doing everything possible to say out loud that he will not be an impartial juror, and intends to conduct an absolute sham trial in the Senate, Pelosi harnessed the leverage she had and said, "Yeah, I'll give you these articles of impeachment when I'm damn well ready and when me 'n' Chuck Schumer have cornered you into doing a real trial. Not a second before."
And ohhhhhhhhhh McConnellevsky was #MOSCOWMAD. "HUFF PUFF PUFF!" said he on the Senate floor, in Kentucky-accented Russian. "Nancy Pelosi is obviously very scared of giving me her impeachment articles, for it is a bad impeachment that is not good! Well guess what? We don't even want it!"
And so, over the holidays, the impeachment shall just sit there, festering like Donald Trump's ego after a Jesus magazine tells him the only Christmas dinner he's invited to this year is in Hell.
Pelosi did an interview with the Politico and shared how she's feeling about Mitch McConnell and #IMPEACH and other things like such as.
"Oh pfft," Pelosi told POLITICO, waving her hand dismissively when asked about McConnell's suggestion she was "too afraid" to send him the articles of impeachment against Trump, which would trigger a Senate trial on whether to oust the president.
Just kidding, she said more:
"Fear is never a word used with me. You should know right away," Pelosi added. "I'm never afraid and I'm rarely surprised."
Put that on a bumper sticker.
Pelosi also reacted to how Republicans spent the day of the impeachment vote bellyaching about how this impeachment of their lord and savior Donald Trump is worse than that time the Salem Witches crucified Jesus at Pearl Harbor:
"I mean really? Get out of here," Pelosi exclaimed.
She LOLed about that time a couple months ago when she met Trump at the White House and ate his lunch for breakfast, then the White House stupidly tweeted out the picture of Pelosi eating Trump's lunch for breakfast, as if they could spin it in their favor, at which point Pelosi made it her cover photo on Twitter, because LOL:
"Can you believe they tweeted that out?" she said Thursday. "They thought it was a thing to tweet it out. 'There she is falling apart in a room full of white men.' And I go out saying, 'All roads lead to Putin.'"
And finally Pelosi commented on ALLLLLLL THESE REPUBLICANS quitting Congress in advance of the 2020 election, including this week Mark Meadows, co-founder of the House
Cousin-Munchers Freedom Caucus:
"It means that they know they're gonna lose," Pelosi declared. "And if you win, you're going to serve in the minority under a Democratic president."
Pelosi invited Trump today to do the State of the Union on February 4.
If he's even still president at that point. Or maybe the Senate impeachment trial will be ongoing.
Oh well, whatever happens, Pelosi will be praying for Trump. Hard.
Open thread, goodbye!
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