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On Saturday, Vice President Joe Biden's son Beau died of brain cancer. On Wednesday, Ted Cruz decided the vice president, who has not even buried his son yet, had been given enough time to grieve the loss of yet another child -- Biden's one-year-old daughter and first wife died in a car accident in 1972 -- because Cruz had a real HI-larious side-splitting zinger to deliver at a Republican event in Michigan:

You know, Vice President Joe Biden. You know the nice thing? You don't need a punchline. I promise you it works. The next party you're at, just walk up to someone, say "Vice President Joe Biden," and just close your mouth. They will crack up laughing!

And the audience did crack up laughing, and applauded too, because Joe Biden, get it? Ha ha ha!


But Cruz wasn't done riffing because apparently nothing raises presidential campaign cash like making fun of Old Handsome Joe. Ka-ching! So Cruz spent another minute mocking that liberal dummy, who would only defend his home by shooting warning shots from a shotgun into the air and maybe killing some geese instead of shooting bullets into a home intruder and killing a person. What a dumb liberal, ha ha, money please!

After the Canadian comedian finished his stand-up routine, he was asked by reporter Chad Livengood to comment on the vice president losing his son, and Cruz made his most solemn face and said in his most solemn tone:

Heartbreaking and tragic, and our prayers are very much with Vice President Biden, with Jill. It's a tragedy no one should have to endure.

Livengood then asked, "Why'd you tell a joke about the vice president tonight?" And Cruz explained by saying nothing and walking away, what a courageous guy. Cruz had either forgotten he was SOOOOOO busy praying for the vice president in his time of unspeakable grief, or maybe his joke writers thought, "Ya know, sure, Beau Biden's funeral isn't until this weekend, but these jokes are just TOO GOOD to wait."

Those well-timed humdingers worked great in a crowd of Republicans, big surprise, but not so great with the internet. So after Cruz was shamed a million times for being unable to wait until the vice president had buried his son, to start up with those classic Biden digs, Cruz said he was real sorry 'bout that:

What a shame Cruz had forgotten just how bad he felt for the Bidens -- Cruz is a father too, so we'd expect he might be able to imagine how painful it would be to lose a child, if Cruz were made of human parts -- but at least he damage-controlled that unfortunate error in judgment, so it's all better now. In fact, let's all praise Ted Cruz for doing the right thing. "Good on him," wrote reporter Janell Ross at the Washington Post. Yeah, takes a real big man -- who talks incessantly about his faith, which we've heard is about kindness and compassion, but maybe we're wrong about that -- to recycle a joke, about a man who is grieving his son who just died, and then say "Oops, sorry about that. My bad."

Is Biden supposed to take an intermission from grieving the worst kind of loss, again, to thank Ted Cruz for being so gracious about being such a dick? Is that the appropriate Washington protocol here? Should he spend even one second thinking about Cruz and discussing whether he should accept Cruz's apology or maybe just be allowed to grieve his dead son in peace and quiet?

Maybe Ted Cruz should not be forgiven. Maybe, instead of offering his prayers, he should try harder to not be a dick. Maybe he should take a break to think long and hard about what kind of soulless evil bastard he is. And then, just maybe, Ted Cruz should take his apology, shove it up any orifice of his choice, and fuck all the way off forever, because he is very bad "Christian" and a very bad "human being." Yes, pretty sure that would be the right thing to do.

[WaPo]

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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