Hey Texas Kiddies! How'd You Like To Smuggle Cocaine For The Cartel?
Coming to a career day near you!
Oh hi, Texas schoolchildren! Come sit down with your old guidance counselor Ms. Wonkette so she can tell you about a new opportunity that's come up for YOUR career! Imagine: You, a normal Texas schoolchild serving as an integral part of El Chapo's supply chain in the Sinaloa cartel! Remember him? He's the one who just escaped from prison (again!) and proceeded to threaten Donald Trump on Twitter! What do you mean, you're "only 11-years-old?" The cartel's never going to want you with that attitude!
If you go to Bear Creek Intermediate School in Keller, Texas, you just might have learned some of the tools of that trade, because #education and #whythehellnot:
A Keller ISD teacher sent home an assignment titled “The Cocaine Trade: From Field to Street” with a 6th grader, and his parents are upset. [...]
“I felt like they were giving my kid a diagram of how to become a drug dealer,” [parent Scott] Pick said.
The assignment lists the steps of the drug trade from Cartel to street dealer.
Here's that take-home assignment, which was again, for 6th graders. Totally normal:
Now, "sequences" are very important for understanding stuff and things, but listen, kids, this is the LAST time we want to hear you bitching about "When am I ever going to use this bullshit?" First of all, you watch your mouth, young man! Secondly, you will get to use ALL your school subjects in the cartel. You might be U.S. American, but you'd better learn to speak Messicano if you want to be one of el Chapo's boys and make the REAL pesos. And those dumbstupid times tables in math class? You will be DARNED TOOTIN' disappointed if you math incorrectly on a smuggling run and bring el Chapo the wrong moneys, which will lead him to cut your head off and hang it on the side of the highway as a warning to others, maybe. Bad day at the office!
History? You'd better at least bone up on one Pablo Escobar, since his story is kinda required reading for knowing how to sell drugs good and do other stuff good too.
And science? Well, fuck, did you not even watch "Breaking Bad"? The whole THING is science, if you decide you'd rather make the drugs than sell them.
Stay in school, that is the point.
Anyway, the school says it's for sure going to investigate, and good, because WHAT THE HELL TEACHER THINKS THAT IS A GOOD ASSIGNMENT FOR KIDS?
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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