Hi Handsome, Wise Donald Trump, Here Is Why You Should Nominate Hillary Clinton To The Supreme Court!


Look, President Trump! We used a handsome picture of you!


This morning you shat out some tweets about how, on Thursday, you will announce your pick for the Supreme Court.

You should nominate Hillary Clinton, and here are all the very smart -- THE SMARTEST! -- reasons why.

The Senate is a dick, and you are the boss of them

Pssst, President Donald Trump! You need some wedge issues to show the GOP Congress you are not just a Weekend at Bernie's-style corpse in a chair. You are vigorous! You feel young! Like 30, 39, who can even say. You will bang your shoe at them and shit! Show them you are not their rubber stamp, and WIN SO MUCH YOU WILL GET SICK OF WINNING!

It will be POPULAR!

Donald Trump, you might not be aware of this, but three million more people voted for Hillary Clinton than for you. This is because there are more Democrats than Republicans, and also, people really hate you. (FOR NOW!) If you want to be loved by the most people, you should do things Democrats like! It is called "math," and we're sure you're not a fan, but give it a try! Don't you want those fat, juicy approval ratings of "more than 37 percent"?

Team of Rivals or whatever blah blah blah

When Barack made Hillary secretary of State it was YOOOOOGE. Be the unifying statesman you so dearly want to be. Historians will write about how you are the best, most unifying, not divisive, definitely not, greatest guy who HEALED THE WHOLE COUNTRY!


She's totally old.

Donald Trump, you can maybe even get Mitch McConnell to go along with it, because she is not young and spry like that whippersnapper Barack Obama, whom you should nominate to the Supreme Court also, but next time. She will die within the next 30 or so years, and so then there will be an opportunity for the Republicans to put a real go-getter in there, like LOL Ted Cruz.

In conclusion!

In conclusion, just think of the possibilities! You can start governing like the Democrat you sort of were for so many years (an asshole rich guy Democrat who is also racist, but, like, you probably paid for a couple-30 abortions along the way and could probably give a shit about what gay people do), and then the economy will not crash, because Democrats are good at "economy" and Republicans keep shitting the ol' money bed, and then your name will not become synonymous with homeless camps, like Hoover's did, but can keep meaning what it already meant: a fart.

So think about it! And then totally do it! Also, please Must Credit Wonkette.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

Donate with CC
Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.


5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc